Suzy Says
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Crowned
April 13th, 2019 by suzy in Bullshit,Calamity Suzy No Comments

The day of my crowning arrived appropriately gloomily. As prescribed, I had taken the Valium the night before, though I failed to sleep like a baby as promised, unless babies wake up every two hours worrying about doom. Maybe they do and that’s what fussing is all about. I was unpleasantly surprised to discover that […]

Better
February 28th, 2019 by suzy in Calamity Suzy,House 1 Comment

The doc really did fix me up as promised. The Cough has gone on to find someone else to torture and I am no longer exhausted. It took longer than I expected to regain my normal voice, and I sounded like Peppermint Patty for a while. Laughter led to coughing during those Peppermint Patty days, […]

Groundhog
February 17th, 2019 by suzy in Calamity Suzy 1 Comment

It’s a week later, and I’m still sick. It’s still raining, and the power has been out repeatedly, both at home and at work. I feel like I’m in an endless loop, like Bill Murray in “Groundhog Day”. Every day I go to work and get through the day in a daze, then go home […]

Ugh
February 10th, 2019 by suzy in Calamity Suzy,Weather 1 Comment

I’m sorry to report that our heroine has been under the weather. And snowy weather at that. Yes, snow. On the jasmine: On the huckleberry bushes: It’s everywhere! It’s beautiful. Audrey likes it. I think it reminds her of her Canadian roots. As you know, I am a snow fan and am not blaming the […]

Updates
October 6th, 2018 by suzy in Calamity Suzy,Cats,Country Life 1 Comment

Other than the Case of the Missing Landlord* and the plumbing mutiny, here’s what’s been happening in and around Stately Suzy Manor. The Epic Dental Safari: I went to see my dentist after the hell of the root canal. It was supposed to be for a minor surface filling and to get the night guard**, […]

Painful
September 22nd, 2018 by suzy in Bullshit,Calamity Suzy 1 Comment

When we last saw our heroine, the right side of her formerly lovely face was swollen up like the Great Pumpkin. She figured she should give the antibiotics time to work, and the swelling would go away. As so often happens, she was wrong about this, because the swelling mutated overnight and started creeping under […]

Ouch
September 14th, 2018 by suzy in Calamity Suzy 3 Comments

I’m coming to you from Dental Hell. I’ve been here since Sunday, and I really don’t recommend it. Stay away if you can! On Sunday, the right, lower side of my mouth was bothering me. This was the site of the last filling, which took an hour and a half to complete, and which I […]

Aching
July 18th, 2018 by suzy in Calamity Suzy 1 Comment

I am coming to you from my couch, instead of my office, where just this Monday I was surprised by the unexpected appearance of beach lavender in my sea urchin dish: Beach lavender was a new flower to me. It’s like upscale baby’s breath, with little purple flowers. I also found a bag of still-warm […]

Ailments
June 15th, 2018 by suzy in Calamity Suzy,Car 2 Comments

I’m sorry to say that after more than a week, The Crud still has me in its unpleasant grip. Repeated daily applications of Sudafed and Afrin seem to do little in the way of loosening its claws, and if I buy shares in Kleenex now, that would be perilously close to insider trading. Maybe I […]

Math
June 7th, 2018 by suzy in Bullshit,Calamity Suzy 1 Comment

Despite spending much of my working life in finance, math and I are not close friends. And you will not be surprised to hear that logic and I are but distant acquaintances. However, no matter how slow on the uptake I may be and the fact that I still don’t know all my times tables […]

Finally
April 13th, 2018 by suzy in Calamity Suzy,House 1 Comment

I am pleased to report that the mattress nightmare is finally over! Like particularly capricious dates, they kept standing me up at the last minute. This happened twice. The day and time was set, and then the night before, I’d get a call saying something had come up and they couldn’t make it after all. […]

Sprung
April 3rd, 2018 by suzy in Calamity Suzy,Cats,Garden 1 Comment

Spring has definitely sprung. The overachiever is flaunting what is probably its final flower of the season: as the outdoor garden tries to catch up. I noticed that the jasmine is budding, if not blooming just yet, and that the peony bush is making an appearance. I should probably get out there and do some […]

Decision-making is not my forte. I tend to wait until a course of action becomes inevitable and then just go along with it, like the artist Edgar Degas, who believed we were all just “corks* in a stream” and that life was just a random series of events. If I do make a decision, it […]

The Screw Up
February 8th, 2018 by suzy in Calamity Suzy 1 Comment

It is yet another beautiful day in a series of beautiful days. Hmm…I wonder what I can screw up today? Monday was Mondayer than usual. My dentist’s office called to see if I could come in on Monday instead of Thursday. Working at the clinic has made me understand the importance of filling a schedule, […]

Cats & Dogs
January 10th, 2018 by suzy in Calamity Suzy,Dogs,Work 1 Comment

The Plague is finally beginning to lose its death grip on our heroine, but after all this time, I am still not fully restored to health and sanity, though of course I am back at work, having burned through 42 hours of paid time off without the advantages of having fun, getting rest, or restoring […]

Stasis
January 6th, 2018 by suzy in Bullshit,Calamity Suzy 2 Comments

It’s a good thing I didn’t make any New Year’s resolutions, since I have not done a thing this entire new year except Be Sick. Either I am really good at it, or really bad at it, since I have been plague-stricken for over a week now, with no signs of the malady’s departure. So, […]

Flat Out
May 16th, 2017 by suzy in Calamity Suzy,Car 2 Comments

It really does exist I started the week with a bang – or at least, a flat and smoking tire. As I left the Big Town, I noticed that Wednesday was not handling the way I was used to. I thought maybe it was the wind, but as time progressed, it became clear that it […]

More Cats & Dogs
March 8th, 2017 by suzy in Calamity Suzy,Cats 1 Comment

One of the side effects of the mystery ailment is a certain grumpiness and intolerance for nonsense, especially kitty-based nonsense. Unfortunately for me, Clyde’s interest in naughtiness remains unabated, and he has also decided that now is the perfect time for him to up his meowing game. I disagree with him strongly on this point, […]

Marooned
March 5th, 2017 by suzy in Calamity Suzy 2 Comments

I am coming to you from the couch, where I am ensconced with several feather pillows (did I ever mention my pillow addiction? I think the usual number residing on my bed is around eight. It’s less than half that on the couch, though they are beaded and/or velvet to make up for it), and […]

Night and Day
January 4th, 2017 by suzy in Calamity Suzy,Cats,Work 3 Comments

Nothing like a bad night’s sleep to set you up for a weird day at work, I always say. Clyde the cat decided the middle of the night was an excellent time to leap on my unsuspecting form. Like most males, of the feline persuasion or otherwise, he is decidedly pro-boobs*, persistently making them both […]