Suzy Says

I was shocked and saddened to receive an email from my ex-husband John saying that his brother Mike had died an hour earlier that day. He had pulmonary fibrosis and had not shared this news with John until last week, when they did a FaceTime call. Apparently, this is a family trait, since John’s Dad also kept from him that he had various ailments that John felt he should have known about.

Despite Mike’s terrible semi-secret illness, he died peacefully at home, surrounded by his family. I’m not sure how this happened, considering that deaths from that illness are generally gruesome, but am so thankful that this was the case. John said that Mike knew the house was paid off, so his wife of more than 40 years (they married at 18 and were grandparents before they were 40) would be OK, and that his three boys were all fine, so he had no fears or regrets.

And you may remember that John’s Dad dropped dead on his way to the car with his wife Marj, as they were going on a routine shopping trip, at the same time I was watching a lunar eclipse and a shooting star that I still think was his farewell to us. In both cases I am glad it was swift and they were not scared or in pain, and that they had their loved ones with them.

The last time I saw Mike was long ago, when John and I were still married and we had dinner at Mike and Charmaine’s house. We laughed a lot and had a great evening together. They were a very caring couple. During the bad ice storm in Ottawa back in the 1990s, they had power for some reason when their neighbors didn’t, and they had everyone at their house, eating and staying and keeping warm until their power came back on. That’s the kind of people they were.

Losing Mike hit John pretty hard, and I’m trying to be there for him as best I can. I am thankful that when John and I broke up, his family continued to care for me, and that John and I found our way – or perhaps are still finding our way – to be supportive and caring for each other. We have helped each other through a lot of things over the past few years and I am glad he is part of my life.

A YEAR AGO: A last supper with Erica and Jessica before they moved away, apparently forever.

FIVE YEARS AGO: A busy week before I started my new job. A lot has happened there in the past five years.

TEN YEARS AGO: A hell of a hailstorm!

FIFTEEN YEARS AGO: Farewell to Florida!

You might be as surprised as I was to learn that there is a Michelin starred restaurant right here in Nowhere. Their prix fixe is a little out of my range, at $180 per person (and $120 extra if you order the wine pairing), so I was happy to learn through the ever-handy (and ever-quirky) local message boards that the restaurant was offering pick up meals for $18 a person. Even someone as math-challenged as I am can see that it’s a tenth of the normally astronomical price.

I went ahead and ordered it online and paid ahead per the instructions, without knowing what it was and suspecting that it might well be something horrifying, like lamb or salmon or mushrooms. Still, a Michelin star! Also I ordered a loaf of their house made sourdough to go with the mystery meal.

It was a glorious day as I headed to the magical south coast to pick up my mystery meal. I hadn’t gone far down the highway when a young man waved me to a halt. I pulled over and he told me that he had a flat tire. He wondered if Wednesday’s spare might work. I told him he was welcome to it, and removed it from the trunk.

Remembering my own flat tire experience, I told him not to drive far on it. By this time, the tire stores in the Big Town were closed, and I told the young man that they wouldn’t open again until Monday. We exchanged contact information, and he tried to give me $100 as collateral for my tire, which I told him was unnecessary.

I wished him luck and continued on my way to the restaurant, where I was handed a plain brown paper bag and the sad news that dinner consisted of braised lamb, cauliflower soup, and a cookie:

None of which appealed to me.

As I neared home, I saw the young man was still by the side of the road, but with another car and an older gentleman. I stopped and he told me that Wednesday’s spare didn’t fit, but the older gentleman’s spare tire did. They were applying it as I headed home.

So my record of never eating Michelin starred food remains more or less unbroken. The bread and the cookie were pretty good.

A YEAR AGO: Enjoying time with friends.

FIVE YEARS AGO: An unforgettable performance of A Streetcar Named Desire.

TEN YEARS AGO: My sister is totally amazing.

FIFTEEN YEARS AGO: Driving around in Florida.

The monthly Bored meeting at work fell on Dad’s birthday. It was supposed to be a much longer meeting than usual – and it’s more than long enough – and would mean a much longer day than usual. I decided that I didn’t want to face the lengthy drive home after a day that would be at least 12 and might be as much as 14 hours long, so I asked a local innkeeper and friend if he happened to have a room for that night.

He not only had a room, he gave me a prix d’amie that I thought must be a typo due to its tininess. I double checked that there wasn’t a digit missing, and then happily took him up on his offer.

The morning of the meeting, I packed up my suitcase, checking it for moths since it hadn’t been used in so long, gave the cats as much food and water as their dishes would hold*, and headed out into the morning darkness, admiring the slim golden crescent moon and the bright, silvery Venus hanging over the ocean.

The meeting was changed at the last minute and was much shorter than expected, so I got to the hotel before the sun set. I ordered dinner to be delivered and while I waited for it, went out on the balcony and watched the sun set as the ducks and pelicans swan serenely around the estuary below. I thought of Dad and how much I miss him, and how he would have approved of my working a long day on his birthday, since he loved his work so much. He used to say that he would have done his own work whether he was paid for it or not. He was lucky to feel that way. And I was lucky that he was my Dad.

*I am 99% sure that Clyde ate 50% of it. Lately, he has been more food obsessed than ever, walking all over me in bed and meowing starting around 3 am. Can cats be emotional eaters?

FIVE YEARS AGO: Wild turkeys and secretly expensive wine.

TEN YEARS AGO: A day at the beach.

FIFTEEN YEARS AGO: Thinking about Dad. And Mom.

Dad heading to school, circa 1936

My father was born on this day in 1931.

He left us too soon, on August 18, 2001, at the age of 70. As I approach 60 – I am turning 58 this June – it is a little alarming to think that at my age, he only had 12 years left to live. I am consoled that he lived them with Margaret, who I believe was the love of his life. They were so well-suited to each other. They were from similar backgrounds, about the same age, and loved art, traveling, wine, good food, and books. They had many wonderful adventures together, and I am glad to know that the last years of his life were some of the happiest.

Some years, I am happy that I had Dad in my life and had that kind of love and support which I now realize many people – even most – never have. I was lucky to have experienced being loved by someone who knew all the worst things about me and loved me anyway. But the grief is the price of the love, and this year, I am sad and angry that I lost him so long ago and so young.

If you’re joining this telenovela in progress, here’s a brief recap. Dad was taken off blood thinners for a routine gall bladder surgery, and the hospital staff forgot to put him back on them, so he died of a blood clot in his sleep the night before he was supposed to be released from the hospital.

Life has never been the same.

I know Dad wouldn’t want me to be sad when I thought of him. So I will try to think about this little boy, so excited about his first day of school, just the beginning of a fine academic career that would culminate in a PhD in organic chemistry and a Doctor of Science degree awarded to him by the Queen Mother herself. He loved his work, and made important contributions both to the world of science, and the world.

Little did that boy imagine how far he would go in life or how many adventures were ahead of him. It may have been short, but it was a wonderful life.

A YEAR AGO: A festive birthday celebration.

FIVE YEARS AGO: Remembering Dad and the happy, golden summers we spent in Maine.

TEN YEARS AGO: A chilly birthday.

FIFTEEN YEARS AGO: A visit to one of the most beautiful beaches in America. Again, I’m sorry to say that the photos didn’t come through, but you can have a peek here.

Well, hello there!

I was driving down the Ridge one morning, not far from the sign above, when I noticed that I had an unexpected companion.

A jack rabbit was running ahead of Wednesday, his giant ears spotlit in the high beams. Like most travelers on this road, he was pretty much using the middle of the narrow roadway, making it impossible to pass him. I worried about how scared he must be of the giant, noisy predator behind him, and turned off the high beams in the hopes of being slightly less terrifying (less crappy is our goal!).

By now, he was sort of weaving back and forth across the road, perhaps in a misguided attempt to avoid the light, or the car, or both. I was now going about 20 miles an hour, which just shows how fast rabbits can run. Faster than some tourists can drive!

I was beginning to wonder if this was going to continue all the way to the highway, and what would happen if it did, and why he didn’t get off the road and into the woods, like deer usually do. He finally saw a place that looked better to him than our leisurely pursuit, and hopped away onto the grass and off the road. I hope he relaxed the rest of the day, but rabbits, like Suzys, tend to be worriers.

Before I reached the highway, which had never seemed so far away, I passed a wild turkey sitting calmly on the Ridge. Fortunately for me, I could drive around him, since wild turkeys don’t move for anyone. He was completely unperturbed and acted as the car wasn’t even there.

Approaching the ocean, I could see a wide swath of silvery moonlight from the still huge moon, beaming across the black ocean.

When I finally got to work that day, I got out of the car, collected my purple Hello Kitty handbag and my lunch, and started to walk toward the building. A young deer was walking calmly across the parking lot, just feet away from me. She paused and looked at me before resuming her stroll. As is often the way, another deer emerged from the bushes next to the clinic, and then another. Soon, the whole family – mother, father, and baby deer – were walking together, their hooves clicking as they made their way into the trees surrounding the property. They did not seem scared at all. And I was enchanted.

FIVE YEARS AGO: We lost Megan’s sweet cat Ramona. Her sister, the Beautiful Harriet, is still with us at nearly 19 years old!

TEN YEARS AGO: You know your shopping expedition has been successful when it includes a pair of bee boots for your sister.

FIFTEEN YEARS AGO: More shopping, but Southern style. I’m sorry to say the pictures formerly linked in the post have been lost in transition.

Well, this was the Mondayest Monday ever – the day after the dreaded time change. You know, the one where they steal an hour of our weekend and then expect us to get up extra early the next day, merrily adding insult to injury. You know a week that starts with a full (super) moon right after the hour theft and ends with Friday the 13th is going to be a weird one. There was also an earthquake on Sunday night, a long, slow one that was a little alarming, but didn’t damage anything.

Oddly enough, I felt just fine the morning after, despite being a robbery victim. I actually got up 15 minutes before the alarm went off, just as I usually do. Go figure. I was trying not to think about the purloined time, much like I used to do when I went to London all the time. I just adapted to the time zone I was in and didn’t think about how it was midnight or yesterday or whatever back in San Francisco.

Whatever it was, it didn’t really bother me this year.

Back in the olden times, on Saturday, I went over to the property for a Girl Night™ with Megan and Lu. I had a peek in the greenhouse and the garden. Here’s how it looked:

The peach trees were in bloom. So were the plum trees:

The plum trees are very popular with the bees. The trees just hum with them.

Inside the greenhouse, things are rocking and rolling. There’s lettuce, bok choy, and green onions*. Also Megan’s Meyer lemon tree:

Outside, the strawberry plants are beginning to leaf out and there are still some hardy herbs, like rosemary and thyme. Most of the garden is still asleep, but spring has definitely arrived.

When Rob drove me home, the moon was so bright that I didn’t need my flashlight. It was amazing to see it beaming over the ocean.

*These always make me think of my mother’s father, who grew them and loved them. Sometimes he’d walk back to the house humming and eating a green onion, somehow looking like a little farm boy instead of a grown man.

A YEAR AGO: If there’s anything more fun than pizza in the present and gowns from the past, I don’t know what it is!

FIVE YEARS AGO: We all got plunged into darkness again. But my brother also plunged into the icy river. For a good cause.

TEN YEARS AGO: Winter was making a comeback.

FIFTEEN YEARS AGO: It may have been winter everywhere else, but it was spring training in Florida.

We’re perfectly good!

My unauthorized kitties have been driving me a little bit crazy lately. Well, even the authorized one, to be honest.

Audrey, the authorized cat and official cat of the household, hates Dodge, the interloper. I don’t think a day goes by that she isn’t growling and hissing at him, which he tends to ignore. Maybe that just fans the flames of her discontent. I would love to have a day free of cat spats.

Not much bothers Dodge. He likes to sleep touching me, he likes to be petted, and he still does his charming trick of jumping up to push against my legs (or anyone’s, really). His purr is so loud I’m surprised that my unseen neighbor Alex hasn’t complained about it. Surprisingly for a cat who was starved and partly furless from exposure, he is unconcerned about food. Maybe knowing he can always get it has made him not worry about this.

Clyde, on the other hand…

Clyde has always been a food enthusiast, but some reason lately he is obsessed. He starts nagging me to get up and feed him around 3 am, which is not my favorite time to be woken up. He walks around on me making his distinctive Clydesounds™ and is relentless. When I feed the cats, he is always underfoot and I am convinced I am going to trip over him and break my neck. I wonder how long it will be before he starts to eat me if I do.

In an effort to stay alive and less annoyed, I have started giving Clyde and Audrey CBD oil. Dodge is already mellow and does not require further mellowing. I was hoping the CBD would help Audrey’s ability to jump on the bed. She has been sort of climbing up by the comforter (and me) instead. But it hasn’t had the miraculous effect it had on Megan’s nearly 19 year old cat Harriet, at least, not yet.

Of course, Clyde’s food obsession does not extend to canned food, which he disdains. I give Audrey her CBD oil in canned food, and she eats it, but Clyde won’t eat wet food, so I tried putting it on his kibble. He was not happy. So I am now putting three drops on his kibble and mixing it up, and will work my way up to 9 drops. You would think a native Mendocino boy would be happy to ingest hemp, but nothing is simple when it comes to cats.

A YEAR AGO: Taking a little break in town in the midst of an atmospheric river.

FIVE YEARS AGO: Thankful for my friends when I couldn’t get home from work.

TEN YEARS AGO: An enjoyable noir evening. I note that I mention Jessie Royce Landis in the post, and she was also in the episode of Columbo I watched last night.

FIFTEEN YEARS AGO: I finally got to see the beautiful mermaids at Weeki Wachee Springs. Ever since I was a kid, I thought the mermaids and the Rockettes were magical. I still do.