Life Swap

Since a summer vacation is out of the question, I thought I’d try a new concept: Life Swap. You get to be Me, and I get to be you. It’s a limited time offer, though I’m sorry to say you won’t get a free gift* if you call now.

Here’s what you’d get:

  • Bijou residence in East Oakhampton. Conveniently located near the BART station of death, Highland Hospital (last stop for most local gunshot victims), and popular homicide locale International Boulevard.
  • Three gas stations within one block. Only $40 to fill up a Ford Taurus at any given one of them! You can also buy milk there if you are so inclined.
  • Walking (or staggering) distance to the liquor store and cracketeria.
  • Friendly locals who come right up to your house and take that unwanted recycling or trash right out of your bins!
  • Other friendly locals who try to convert you to their extremely unusual religions.
  • Front row seat to minor crimes and misdemeanors, such as neighbors dousing themselves with gasoline and others burning stolen cars.
  • Convenient freeway underpass where old sofas and other refuse that doesn’t fit in the bins can be easily dumped.
  • None of that horrible, un-green air conditioning. “Awesome” cross breeze according to landlord, though so far, it seems as likely to appear as the Loch Ness Monster.
  • The world’s cutest and naughtiest kittens. Adorable and challenging! Also slightly grumpy, stray-ish outdoor cat who might possibly tolerate your presence as long as you bring him food and water once a day. Occasional treats are welcomed by all.
  • Unlimited trips to the library and the Safeway.
  • All the barking dogs your heart could ever desire.

Any takers?

*Because, you know, you usually have to pay for gifts. That’s why they call them “gifts”.

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5 thoughts on “Life Swap

  1. Kind of hard to trade with anyone Suzy, looks like your area is full of activities alright, but unfortunately not the kind that would be ideal as a trade. Whatever happened to the cute house you were looking at. Have you stop looking for a different area. Sounds like you could use a new start somewhere, looks like anywhere would be better.

  2. I’m going to pass on the offer, as well. I’ve done the California living and found it’s not really for me. I do much better in the Midwest – even with my (apparently) hard of hearing downstair neighbors (honestly, I thought only Grandma’s now dead husband listened to the TV that loudly), and the Bar District which is allowed to pass the legal decibel level by easily double.

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