Mar 29 2005
Florida by the Numbers
Farewell, Florida!
Number of palmetto bugs seen: 6
Number of palmetto bugs squashed: 6
Gross-out factor: On a scale of one to ten (10 being CSI close-ups), about 100.
Number of geckos seen: About a dozen.
Number of geckos scared: See above.
Number of armadillos seen: 2 (they are superbly uninterested in humans)
Number of ospreys seen: 2. One was five feet away. Eating a fish. With an armadillo attitude.
Spring training baseball games attended: Only two! Both starring the Blue Jays. Score: 0 for the Jays.
Spring training baseball practice sessions attended: 4
Kisses and autographs from ballplayers: 0
Sunburns: 0!! A personal best!
Days when it wasn’t about a million degrees: 0. Even when it was raining.
Days when Suzy didn’t complain about the heat and/or humidity: 0. (“It’s not the heat, it’s the complaining about the heat.”)
Number of states driven through en route: 5. Or maybe 6?
Number of miles driven: Do numbers go that high?
Number of meals not featuring fat: 0
Pounds gained: Ignorance is bliss.
Butt size: Southern fried, my friend.
Southern delicacies not consumed by Suzy: Grouper (due to moratorium); boiled “p.nuts”; alligator (I promised Kelly I wouldn’t); sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top; anything on a stick; deep-fried desserts.
Southern delicacies consumed by Suzy: Key lime pie; coconut shrimp; freshly squeezed grapefruit juice; grits (grits are gross, especially at the Waffle House, or, as those in the know call it, the Awful House).