Feb 16 2004
Bar Mitzvah
I have been invited to the first Bar Mitzvah of my life. It is, presumably, the first Bar Mitzvah of the kid in question as well, but he has the advantage over me of having a religious tradition which he must also understand to a reasonable extent. Those of us who have been brought up with no religious tradition are at a notable disadvantage as guests at ceremonies of any religious description, such as this one, or a Catholic funeral Mass. I can?t even fake it convincingly.
Apparently, it’s a very long service, so I’ll have to practice looking serious and/or interested for extended periods of time. It shouldn’t be that hard. I mean, I had to do it for hours at a time back when I had a job. However, I’m not sure what to wear, and whether there’s a traditional gift besides money. Not working and sudden trips to Florida combined with shopping cardio tend to lead to cash flow issues, even temporary ones, and rumor has it that the money you give on these occasions is supposed to be pretty serious. Maybe not Sopranos serious, but of an amount to help towards education and other weighty, grown-up things, since the poor kid, at 13 or whatever, is now supposed to be a grown-up. Which means the fun part of his life is over.
Actually, the entire endeavor seems to be remarkably lacking in fun (though perhaps this is appropriate, given how remarkably lacking in fun it is to be a grown-up most of the time) for the guest of honor. Long before the ceremony, s/he has to learn a lot of Hebrew, a lot of religious stuff, and then have this very long ceremony at which s/he must not only be the center of attention, but give a speech. And after all that, not even any presents, other than money, which your parents immediately put in a college fund.
Maybe there?ll be cake, though.