Feb 16 2004
Bar Mitzvah
I have been invited to the first Bar Mitzvah of my life. It is, presumably, the first Bar Mitzvah of the kid in question as well, but he has the advantage over me of having a religious tradition which he must also understand to a reasonable extent. Those of us who have been brought up with no religious tradition are at a notable disadvantage as guests at ceremonies of any religious description, such as this one, or a Catholic funeral Mass. I can?t even fake it convincingly.
Apparently, it’s a very long service, so I’ll have to practice looking serious and/or interested for extended periods of time. It shouldn’t be that hard. I mean, I had to do it for hours at a time back when I had a job. However, I’m not sure what to wear, and whether there’s a traditional gift besides money. Not working and sudden trips to Florida combined with shopping cardio tend to lead to cash flow issues, even temporary ones, and rumor has it that the money you give on these occasions is supposed to be pretty serious. Maybe not Sopranos serious, but of an amount to help towards education and other weighty, grown-up things, since the poor kid, at 13 or whatever, is now supposed to be a grown-up. Which means the fun part of his life is over.
Actually, the entire endeavor seems to be remarkably lacking in fun (though perhaps this is appropriate, given how remarkably lacking in fun it is to be a grown-up most of the time) for the guest of honor. Long before the ceremony, s/he has to learn a lot of Hebrew, a lot of religious stuff, and then have this very long ceremony at which s/he must not only be the center of attention, but give a speech. And after all that, not even any presents, other than money, which your parents immediately put in a college fund.
Maybe there?ll be cake, though.
8 Responses to “Bar Mitzvah”
From what I understand, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is very serious, but there is usually a big party afterwards, so you should definitely get cake! Have fun!
To help you get prepared, you can find a copy of the Frasier episode about his son’s Bar Mitzvah…the one where he pisses of the guy that offered to teach him a tribute to his son in Hebrew and then gives it in Klingon….the best Bar Mitzvah speech ever!!!
Yes, they have serious ceremonies and serious parties! Have a good time, and I’m sure this can’t be as bad as my endeavor to my friend’s Catholic confirmation at the Easter vigil. *dies* Now THAT was a faking session if there ever was one.
Aimee, I’m Catholic and have avoided Easter vigil for years – too bloody long, but get the joy of going this year. I’m so looking forward to it. NOT!
OK, Suzy. Here is what I know. First off, I am like you – raised with no particular religious training. We moved a lot and I think my parents “shopped” for a church like you would a country club. I am old so I am more experienced in going to bar/bat mitsfas. Your readers are right. They are a family’s big, big deal. They eat, drink, sleep, breathe planning this event. Seriously, the ceremony and party is as big a deal as a wedding.
While long, I found the ceremony to be incredibly interesting. They do a lot of physical things like bring the tora out of this cabinet and carry it around and you will hear jingley bells and smell incense and best of all the child reads in hebrew (they are judged on this) and the child writes an essay. If you are lucky, it is really good. And watch the family. The Dad’s side and the mother’s side. You can smell pride and history. Not being Jewish, I felt a bit of an outsider – but in a jealous wanna be way. I wanted to be able to speak Hebrew so I could whisper the words of the chants. The whole time I wished I was Jewish, like there was a big secret I was missing. The family hires a chanter and sometimes they are really good! At some bar mitsfa’s the family parades around the temple with the tora. That is really cool. Grandparents are honored. I dunno – I think you will like all that goes on – the surprises, the people of it all.
The party!!! Most Jews feel a need to really go all out and impress everyone with the quality of the food, the place. And, as a guest, you get to reap the benefits. Stay for the dance. Dance your heart out. Watch the children, all just coming into their teen years, bump up against each other, pushing each other into bloom. Dress up!!! Definitely dress up! I know you, Suzy. You will have fun!!! Oh, and there is definitely, definitely cake!!
Dress smart/casuals. A bit like a wedding, but not necessarily quite as smart.
A Bar Mitzvah like any ceremony depends on the people and the rabbi and the shul and the parents. It can be boring, but it can also be fun. It?s what you and your guests make of it. I remember mine fondly. Yes there is a lot of hard work that goes into preparing, but you feel proud of the resulting accomplishment on the day.
And if you want to say congratulations in Hebrew you say ?Mazeltov?
I have a friend whose 13 year old (of course) boy just had his bar mitzvah. It’s a very important ceremony. She worked at the party for months. It sounded more like wedding preparations than anything. And the boy had tons of stuff to learn for the ceremony.
Have a good time.
Cas
nice to meet you.
Bar Mitzvah~
For those that are interested in more than speculation, there is a wonderful site I just visited and read. [My daughter has been invited to her first bar mitzvah & a bat mitzvah to follow in April. (By the way, the invitation was to her only, not to her and a parent).
The site is Judasim 101. There is a very comprehensive overview of the ceremony, etc.
A must read!
Here is the site.
http://www.jewfaq.org/barmitz.htm
MAZELTOV!