Suzy Says
Radio Nowhere
Try, Try Again
March 9th, 2013 by suzy in Bullshit

Even though it’s no longer the New Year – when does a year stop being new, anyway? – I’ve been trying to get the chaos of my life a little more in order. Or, you know, in order at all.

I started by collecting all the crap I need for taxes. Mine are kind of complicated, with the job and the jobette and my lack of any kind of math brain, so I have someone do them for me. Needless to say I forgot to include some things and then had to track them down, but in the end, I have a (very) modest refund coming my way.

The Tax Lady noted that if I were divorced, the refund would be less modest – it would be about four times what I am getting. Realizing that John would be in the same position, I emailed him to reopen the divorce discussion.

We tried to do this a somewhat embarrassing number of years ago (at the rate we’ve been going, we’ll be separated almost as long as we were married), but encountered technical difficulties. Neither of us could afford a lawyer, and there was no question of alimony or child custody or anything that tends to lead to acrimoniousness, so John just got the forms online and tried to file them after I signed.

The clerk at his courthouse said there was something missing, but wouldn’t tell John what it was, since he “couldn’t offer legal advice.” Since we couldn’t afford legal advice and neither of us was at all interested in getting married again (some things never change), we sort of dropped it.

There is a walk in family law clinic here later in the month, so I’m hoping to stop by and get them to look over the forms if I have them ready by then. You *have* to fill out the forms completely on line. I called the company and told them there was required info about John I didn’t have. They told me to put in 0s as a “placeholder” and then have John log in and fill it out.

I told John, and he tried to do that, but the website said it was under review and couldn’t be edited. I just checked again today and there is an alert saying that they need more information. What do you know? So clearly the entire placeholder thing is bogus.

Of course they’re only at work when you’re at work, so I’ll have to try and find time to call them on Monday. Presumably John will have to do the same thing. Oh, and did I mention that the online forms cost $300? And the $300 does not include the filing fees – who knows how much that will be. It’s no wonder it’s taken us so long to get around to this.

If I ran the world, it would be hard to get married and easy to get divorced. One thing I have (finally) learned is to follow your heart. I never wanted to get married. I think you should be together until you don’t want to be, instead of dragging the state and/or church and/or families and/or everyone else’s expectations into your relationship.

But it meant a lot to John, so I went along with it. Kids, this is not a good reason to get married. Having said that, we were happy together for many years, so I can’t exactly say I regret it. I don’t regret the time I spent with John, just the messiness of the ending.

Lesson learned.

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8 Responses

Since the beginning of time, man’s purpose in life has been to seek a partner, not only to have children but to have someone to share, learn from and grow together as separate individuals, most important to love one another, something everyone needs to have experienced. for some, this sharing last a lifetime, for others like myself I shared twice, but in both cases, I have grown and learned from my relationships and always something good that came out of both. Unfortunately Society and State has also learned that it could be profitable and has made sure that a license is needed to get married and another piece of paper to divorce, how sad that they came up with this, it makes what’s already difficult twice as hard and sometimes disastrous. If we could only be satisfied with finding love in our lives and the State by collecting taxes only, life would be sometimes easier for all.


I think Guy has said it all. Hope the Clinic can help to sort out these difficulties for you….painlessly!

I felt compelled to write although I’m not sure what to say. It just seems wrong that there are those who profit from the misfortune of others. Na├»ve, I know, but still. Anyway, thinking of you both.

Thanks, everyone. I will be glad when it’s over (I think). It’s both infuriating and sad right now.

So annoying how relatively easy it is to get married (legally speaking, at least!) and how frustrating and expensive it is to get divorced. In a case as simple as yours, it’s even more ridiculous! I’m very annoyed on your behalf!!

Oh it’s so awful. I feel your pain on several levels. Hugs.

Lisa – Aren’t you glad that you and P had the sense not to get married?!

Kel – I know you know exactly how it is. xo

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