Jan 04 2009
Conspiracy Theory
No matter what I do (or don’t do), my sink is always full of dishes. Even if I’ve just been eating take-out, or zapping up a Lean Cuisine, there seems to be an endless supply of cutlery, china, and even pots and pans, the bane of dish washers everywhere.
The only dish washer I have is me, which may well be why there are so many to be washed. It must be nice to have a dishwasher to hide the evidence in, though it always seems to me that by the time you’ve scraped and rinsed the dish, you might as well just finish washing it.
I have a new theory: when I turn off the kitchen light, the dishes get together and start procreating. “Come here often?” “You’re so…shiny!” As soon as I turn the light on, they act like nothing’s happening, just like you did when your parents suddenly came home and found you and your boyfriend on the couch.
I drank not wisely, but too well, last night, and on entering the kitchen in search of coffee, wondering why the sun had to be so sunny and how it got to be quite so late, noticed that the dish population had seemingly exploded overnight. Clearly they had been enjoying my absence both wisely and well.
The thought of clearing up the overpopulated sink enough to start making more dishes was even less appealing than usual, so I decided to go and get some pizza, hoping that the Dish Fairy would magically appear and make the dishes disappear while I was out. She must be a little on the shy side, or wants to enjoy my surprise and delight, so she won’t show up while I’m actually in the house. Just to give her some extra time for the extra dishes, I got lost a couple of times finding the pizza place in Berkeley (there is no decent pizza in my neighborhood. Same goes for Chinese food).
When I got home with my hard-won carbs, I peeked in the kitchen. The Dish Fairy had not yet appeared. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been good, or because even the Fairy herself is daunted by the size of her task and decided to go somewhere easier, like the kitchen at Boulevard.
Maybe I’ll think about it tomorrow.