Suzy Says

The phone rang at the ungodly (well, un-Suzy) hour of 8:00 this morning. It was my doctor’s secretary, asking if I could come in this afternoon. Caught unguarded and uncaffeinated, I agreed. Later, considering the fact that I have to take two buses to get there (that’s two too many) and that I was overwhelmed by slothfulness (one of my personal favorite sins), I regretted this, but reflected that the dr. visit might result in a reduced dosage of happy pills, which should also result in a reduced size of Suzy. One of the side effects of the expensive, yet unamusing, happy pills is that one goes from Ab Fab to Ab Flab.

So I grumpily went to the bus stop an hour before the appointment, and as in Casablanca, I waited. And waited. And waited….

Finally, the long-awaited bus appeared. I got on, all unsuspecting, and suddenly, it took a detour. By the time I realized that it was not, in fact, going where I wanted to go, there were 15 minutes left before my appointment. No way I could make it. I got off the bus, called the dr.’s office, and got their voicemail, which breezily informed me that they were at lunch and – get this – they do not check messages left during their 1 &1/2 hour lunch break (despite the fact that my appointment was scheduled during that time). I left a detailed and annoyed message, and then spent almost the same amount of time I had spent waiting for the bus trying to get a taxi. There was no way I was dealing with any more public transit that day. I had waited and smelled enough, thank you.

By the time I got one, I was homicidal. When I got home, the phone was ringing. It was, you guessed it, my over-lunched dr.’s receptionist asking where I was. I explained everything yet again and told her I had left a message, but she said she hadn’t gotten it. Not checking your messages will do that, dontcha think? And why have voicemail at all, if you’re not going to check it? And PS to the public transit people, who are no doubt snickering evilly about the success of their practical joke, you might want to consider posting signs warning innocent patrons that the route has changed, and what it has changed to. Just a thought.

Martini o’clock is going to be a little early today.