May 04 2005
Strippers & Showers
Yesterday, it was marigolds. Orange and variegated orange and red. Should I set a trap for the Secret Gardener? They probably don’t make Hav-A-Hearts that big, so I’d probably end up with a giant net à la Gilligan’s Island with a screaming do-gooder inside who has instaneously turned into a do-badder. The curiosity is killing me, like the proverbial cat.
Still no hot water. The fact that my English grandfather used to have a cold bath every morning with the window open (and lived to be well into his 80’s) is not at all comforting. Neither is showering at the gym, especially after seeing that Seinfeld episode where George pees in the shower at the gym. Like I wasn’t already horrified by stepping into the damp, already used cubicle, trying not to think about bacteria and foreign hairs. Like showers weren’t already bad enough. I am longing for a warm, luscious, Lush-filled bath, the complete antithesis of my grandfather’s.
I’d even like to do the dishes…without having to boil water first. This is getting to be too much like camping. The only camp I’m even remotely interested in is the campy Batman kind. They really raised the camp ante on an episode I recently saw, with Julie Newmar (totally the best Catwoman) and famed stripper Gypsy Rose Lee (with all her clothes on, as a newspaper reporter), in the same episode.
After spending all that time in Florida, I belatedly learned that the only stripper school in the whole USA is located in Clearwater, just a short drive from where I was staying. Alas, and dang.
The Miss Exotic World pageant is being held on my birthday. How Suzy is that? Since I didn’t celebrate my birthday last year, I think I should celebrate it twice as much this year. Only 30 shopping days left! Think sparkly!
4 Responses to “Strippers & Showers”
I have to wear shower shoes otherwise it’s a no go having a shower at the gym. And absolutely nothing that touches my body can touch the floor/walls. It’s quite the dance to keep all things Amber away from all things revolting.
…Catwoman…(insert Homer Simpson drooling sound here)….
You need to hie theeself immediately to Target or some variation thereof (but not Wal-Mart, the Evil Empire) and buy yourself a $2.00 pair of flip flops to wear in the shower.
Marigolds? How lovely. How large is your window box anyway???
Hehehe, that’s so awesome that someone keeps bringing you flowers!