Suzy Says
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Mammogram Monday
July 15th, 2003 by suzy in Uncategorized

Completed the final phase of the annual check-up marathon yesterday. The whole thing is such a production, it’s no wonder I hadn’t been for such a long time. Before I could even make an appointment, I had to fax them the front and back of my insurance card and wait for them to get it approved. Then, and only then, would they dare to set up the appointment.

After the check-up, the doctor gave me orders for tests to be done, which I didn’t have time to do until I came back from Canada. I duly did the walk-in blood testing, etc. a month ago and called to make an appointment for a mammogram. The first available appointment was yesterday (happy Bastille Day!), and off I went after work, to swim through an ocean of paperwork before getting topless and down to business.

It was the first mammogram I had had since Mom was first diagnosed with breast cancer. Now that I’m old and high risk, it is something I can look forward to on an annual basis. The technician doing the screening was really nice, but squashing one’s poitrine into a pancake is not fun, and one of the times a girl feels that symmetry is highly overrated.

You have to endure four squashings before they release you. By the time they got to Squash Three, I very nearly passed out, I don’t know why. I asked them to complete Squash Four anyway, because I just wanted it over with, and afterwards, the technician helped me to a cot to lie down. I didn’t actually lose consciousness, but I felt pretty bad. She went to fetch a nurse, who took my blood pressure (110/80) and said, “Even for a white girl, you’re really white.” I confessed that I hadn’t eaten lunch that day (though I didn’t admit that: 1. I hardly ever do; and b. I routinely go and work out when I haven’t eaten for 12 hours, fearing that their heads would fly off).

They brought me graham crackers and orange juice, making me feel like I was back in kindergarten. It was like nap time, only naked. They checked my blood pressure again and then sent me on my way with an extra packet of crackers. I felt really old and really young all at once.

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5 Responses

You don’t eat lunch?! I can’t function without three square meals a day, at least. I don’t do hungry well.

There are so many technological advances in our world, you’d think they would come up with a better way than the mammogram. Ick. *hugs* hope you feel better now that its over.

Believe me, if a Testigram was required by every male over the age of 40, it wouldn’t be long before somebody patented the ‘sonic sack’ or some other painless, slip-on scanning device…

while the boob smooshing isn’t my idea of a good time, I could go for a graham cracker or two!

In my book, having a mammogram is not only a very good idea, but a procedure which necessitates some kind of post-squishing healing ritual … usually involving copious amounts of wine and cheese.

I find it really gross that we have to go through these awful, humiliating, uncomfortable procedures and then head back to work as if nothing had happened. Personally, I would like 2 days off to recover from the annual unpleasantness. Ideally with a man-servant tending to all my needs.

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