Jul 08 2009

Life Swap

Published by at 1:08 pm under Cats,Henry,Life in Oaktown

Since a summer vacation is out of the question, I thought I’d try a new concept: Life Swap. You get to be Me, and I get to be you. It’s a limited time offer, though I’m sorry to say you won’t get a free gift* if you call now.

Here’s what you’d get:

  • Bijou residence in East Oakhampton. Conveniently located near the BART station of death, Highland Hospital (last stop for most local gunshot victims), and popular homicide locale International Boulevard.
  • Three gas stations within one block. Only $40 to fill up a Ford Taurus at any given one of them! You can also buy milk there if you are so inclined.
  • Walking (or staggering) distance to the liquor store and cracketeria.
  • Friendly locals who come right up to your house and take that unwanted recycling or trash right out of your bins!
  • Other friendly locals who try to convert you to their extremely unusual religions.
  • Front row seat to minor crimes and misdemeanors, such as neighbors dousing themselves with gasoline and others burning stolen cars.
  • Convenient freeway underpass where old sofas and other refuse that doesn’t fit in the bins can be easily dumped.
  • None of that horrible, un-green air conditioning. “Awesome” cross breeze according to landlord, though so far, it seems as likely to appear as the Loch Ness Monster.
  • The world’s cutest and naughtiest kittens. Adorable and challenging! Also slightly grumpy, stray-ish outdoor cat who might possibly tolerate your presence as long as you bring him food and water once a day. Occasional treats are welcomed by all.
  • Unlimited trips to the library and the Safeway.
  • All the barking dogs your heart could ever desire.

Any takers?

*Because, you know, you usually have to pay for gifts. That’s why they call them “gifts”.

5 responses so far

5 Responses to “Life Swap”

  1. # Guyon 08 Jul 2009 at 4:54 pm

    Kind of hard to trade with anyone Suzy, looks like your area is full of activities alright, but unfortunately not the kind that would be ideal as a trade. Whatever happened to the cute house you were looking at. Have you stop looking for a different area. Sounds like you could use a new start somewhere, looks like anywhere would be better.

  2. # suzyon 08 Jul 2009 at 8:41 pm

    I can’t afford to move right now, but I will when I can…

  3. # Mikeon 09 Jul 2009 at 9:04 am

    Hmmm…tempting…but I’ll pass.

  4. # jfielderon 09 Jul 2009 at 9:42 pm

    Think I’ll also pass on the swap – but you are always welcome to visit us.

    jx

  5. # Kathleenon 21 Jul 2009 at 5:43 am

    I’m going to pass on the offer, as well. I’ve done the California living and found it’s not really for me. I do much better in the Midwest – even with my (apparently) hard of hearing downstair neighbors (honestly, I thought only Grandma’s now dead husband listened to the TV that loudly), and the Bar District which is allowed to pass the legal decibel level by easily double.