Suzy Says

Did I mention that all those errands the other day were literally run? Meaning that I walked everywhere, except when gravity got the better of me. So the environment wasn’t hurt, just me. My left knee isn’t bad, but the right one looks and feels like hell. I have been treating it with tea tree oil and Burt’s Bees Res-Q Ointment but it’s still in glorious and painful Technicolor.

But this minor physical ailment is nothing compared to the pain of my coworker C, who lost her father last week. The funeral was yesterday, and I couldn’t help but remember how I felt on the day of my father’s memorial service, namely, that I wanted to run down the street screaming. So I thought of C and wished her the strength and courage she needed yesterday and for the rest of her life.

You have probably noticed by now that death is never far from my thoughts. Once the shadow has fallen over your life, it’s pretty much impossible to ignore the fact of its existence. So I was thinking about my Dad’s service and how the stated purpose was to be a celebration of his life. But how can you feel like celebrating when the person you love enough to attend their funeral is gone forever?

It’s like Jeff Goldblum’s character said in The Big Chill, “They throw a great party for you on the one day they know you can’t come.” So my question is, why don’t we celebrate each others’ lives while we still have them? Why are we more likely to gather together when someone is gone than when they are there to hear how much we care about them?

Here’s what I did yesterday:
By Suzy

• Worked all day.
  
• Sent flowers to our vet and her staff to thank them for finding an excEt home for two of my mother’s cats which she couldn’t keep in her new apartment.
  
• Dropped off film of damage done to my Mom’s stuff during her move from San Diego to Petaluma to be developed and sent to the offending movers.
  
• Wrote complaint letter to movers (bonus: writing letter helped to dispel complete outrage at movers’ incompetence) and sent it registered mail.
  
• Went to the drug store.
  
• Bought groceries and lugged them home.
  
• Downloaded more photos of move-induced damage from digital camera to Ofoto and ordered prints to be sent with the other photos once developed.
  
• Brought one of my father’s paintings to framing store to have glass broken on the flight from London replaced.
  
• While en route to framing store, twisted ankle on uneven pavement and fell to my knees, which now have a serious case of road rash and are quite swollen and even less fit for public viewing than usual (bonus: glass was already broken on painting, so only damage was to me and my pride). Oww, though. And still.
  
• Picked up sympathy card for co-worker whose father passed away a few days ago, wrote heart-felt message and mailed it.
  
• Went to the vet’s to pay for boarding my mother’s cats before they were adopted. Bill for boarding, etc. $600. SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS.
  
• Paid bill and managed not to faint.
  
• Went home and did all the usual daily tasks, including feeding cats and making dinner.
  

For a person who aspires to idleness, I seem to be very busy. Maybe that’s the whole reason I have these lazy aspirations. Or maybe my career goal of idle rich is always in the back of my mind.

Kathleen met me at work on Friday afternoon and we walked to the bar together. (I wonder if all that uphill walking even came close to obliterating all those wine calories?) We stopped off at Shelley’s Jewelry on the way, where Kathleen bought a gorgeous ring and pendant, both silver set with stunning fire opals. They aren’t her birth stone, but they are her favorites (like me with diamonds), and they look damn good on her. She looks damn good anyway. No wonder she would never even consider botox, since it’s completely unnecessary in her case, and that she can contemplate her 20th high school reunion qualm-free, knowing she’ll knock everyone on their collective ass when she walks in wearing that vintage black velvet dress.

We met more friends at the bar, and it was so good to catch up with them that I stayed later than I had intended. And although I had three glasses of wine (gasp!), I didn’t have a hangover when I woke up at 6 am on Saturday, which was a pleasant surprise. I left for my Mom’s place around 8 am, crossing the Golden Gate Bridge in fog so thick that the towers of the bridge were completely invisible.

The fog vanished quickly once I got to Marin, and it was 80 degrees in Petaluma yesterday. Mom is settling into her new home, but not without the usual melodrama. I made dinner for us, including my famous cheese biscuits, and all four of us kids were together with Mom for the first time since Dad’s death last year, which sounds all heart-warming and Norman Rockwell but wasn’t. It was a nightmare day. There were several important and unpleasant issues to be dealt with, and Mom’s reaction to each of them was to throw a fit like a three year old, screaming and crying, etc., to avoid facing the [usually terrible] consequences of her [unfailingly stupid and destructive] actions. My brother and I both went home last night, but my sisters are still in the little casita of hell up there. I guess I better call them before I add “bad sister” to my “bad daughter” credential.

One good thing that came out of it was meeting Mom’s next door neighbor, Dave. He used to be a jazz musician who played with Harry James! And his son Kevin is a really cool guy who happens to live three blocks away from me. So the day wasn’t all bad. Just mostly.

An informal survey of Southern friends reveals that grape is the preferred flavor of jelly for egg or sausage McMuffins. None of them even questioned the jelly’s presence. So it must be a regional delicacy. But jelly with cheese just seems so wrong. Like fish on pizza.

Beth flew in on Delta, and had both a bumpy flight and landing. This seems to be so common when flying on Delta that I just have to wonder. Did they miss the smooth flight and landing class most pilots seem to have taken, like how I must have missed the girl class in how to keep my bra straps up (they are forever slipping)? Or are they doing it on purpose, for some unknown reason? Enquiring minds want to know, and I for one am not planning to take Delta anywhere ever. Flying is scary enough as it is, thank you.

One mystery I think I have solved is all those October birthdays. I know 12 people with birthdays in October, more than any other month of the year. I have come to the conclusion that it’s all those New Year’s parties: drunk, happy people throwing inhibition and birth control to the winds, resulting in a harvest of October babies!

Here’s a novel way to spend your birthday: visiting a wrongly convicted prisoner on Death Row in Georgia.

That’s what my sister Beth – yes, the one who lives in England – did on Saturday. She is a Quaker, and in addition to being pacifist, they are also, not surprisingly, against the death penalty. One of the things they do is to send Christmas cards and letters to condemned prisoners around the world, and in this way, Beth got to know E. She requested permission to visit him, which entailed months of more bureaucratic hoops than the IRS and INS combined, and finally got permission to visit E. on what happened to be her birthday.

E. has been on Death Row in Georgia for 13 years. Last year, his lawyers amassed sufficient evidence ? including a sworn affidavit from the person who actually committed the crime E. was wrongly convicted of ? to demand a new trial. This was a year ago, and the court has been “too busy” to set a date for a new trial.

Beth said it was so hot and humid that the paper she was holding which permitted her to visit E. actually began to curl up at the edges! All she could bring into the prison with her were her car keys and one piece of ID. She brought two and had to return the second piece to the car. Apparently two is not better than one on Death Row in Georgia. Surprisingly, they didn’t search her, though she did have to pass through two metal detectors, have her hand stamped with ultra-violet ink which was checked on the way in and on the way out, and eventually surrendered keys and ID, which were later returned to her. Also went through countless heavy clanging metal doors which were immediately locked behind her.

After that, airport security should be a breeze! Beth is on her way here now, and I’m picking her up at the airport at noon.

Weird Southernism: Beth got an Egg McMuffin at the McDonald’s near the prison and they asked her what kind of jelly she wanted on it. Like actually in it. Beth’s horror was so evident that the cashier asked her where she was from. When Beth said “England”, the cashier said, “Y’all do things different over there, don’t you, honey?”

Beth did like the grilled catfish and fries she had for dinner – not at McDonald’s – and refrained from asking for malt vinegar or brown sauce, since they do things different over here, too.

The Amsterdam cold has turned out to be particularly vile. Not sure if it’s some kind of mutant Euro-cold or Flu Lite or just a regular cold exacerbated by crossing too many time zones and doing too much emotional stuff in too short a time. Whatever it is, it knocked me on my ass and rendered me unable to assist in the final phase of my mother’s move yesterday, which has, from start to finish, been like something orchestrated by Ionesco or Becket on an especially black-humored day.

Movers arrived late to pack up Mom’s stuff. Despite having been told that I, the arranger of the move, would be out of the country, they insisted on having a signature and person to go with the credit card. Fortunately, my brother-in-law was able to give them his, though later the moving company wouldn’t use his credit card, either, and I had to go and get a cashier’s check.

The move turned out to cost twice as much as we had anticipated, because my Mom has twice as much stuff as anyone else. Remember how she and my sister Megan went to meet the movers on Thursday? Well, they didn’t, because the truck broke down, leaving Meg and Mom to camp in an empty apartment. However, Mom’s new neighbors came to the rescue, with air mattresses, blankets, and banana bread. On Friday morning, they even brought coffee to the unhappy campers.

But the movers had not yet brought the furniture on Friday afternoon. Rather than renting a truck in Oakland, where the breakdown occurred, they had one brought up from LA. I’m not kidding. John made a few irate calls and got them to show up after giving them step by step directions – the movers apparently hadn’t thought to bring a map with them. So they didn’t even start to unload Mom’s tons-o-stuff until after 5 that evening, thus destroying the original plan of having them take the things that had to be stored to the storage place, since it closed at 5:30. So they just piled everything in the apartment and left.

My brother Jonathan drove down after his firefighters’ meeting that night, and first thing Saturday morning, John took the bus up to help. I stayed home with the mutant cold and tried not to feel too guilty about not helping. John, Megan, and Jonathan kicked ass, sorting items into “stay”, “storage” and “Salvation Army” categories, taking the storage items to storage in a U-Haul and setting up the furniture in the new apartment. The Salvation Army items are on the patio until collection day. So we’re finally done.

I guess things go wrong with every move. But we all pulled together, Mom has met her new (really nice) neighbors, and we’re ready to face what the future holds, together. Family, I’m telling you. It’s what it’s all about.

Love/hate for Friday, October 4, 2002
Family

Yes, they can be (and are) exasperating. No, you can’t choose your own (imagine if you could!). But if you’re lucky, they are some of the best friends you’ll ever have: your family.

No-one knows you or loves you like your parents or siblings. They have known you your entire life, from babyhood to childhood to gawky adolescence to hopefully less gawky adulthood. When they look at you, they see all those earlier incarnations as well as the current one. You shared your daily lives in the same house until you left home, and I believe that sharing both the big events and the daily trivia – especially the daily trivia – create a bond that cannot be forged in any other way. And by the time you grow up, the people with whom you have this special bond are part of the foundation of your life.

You can always count on each other, whether it’s for an emergency loan, a shoulder to cry on, advice, or a hug. If any of my siblings asked me to hide him/her from the police, I’d do it without a second thought, and I might not even ask what the crime was.

I couldn’t have faced all the things I have had to face over the past year and a half without my brother and sisters. I will never forget my brother comforting me before our father’s thanksgiving service, giving me the strength not only to attend it, but to give my speech without breaking down. I will never forget my older sister’s courage as she opened the service with a clear gaze at the congregation and an unwavering voice. I know what that cost her, and I am still amazed. I will never forget how my younger sister could not, would not, let me follow Dad’s coffin alone on its final journey, and I know what that cost her, too.

Though I have known and loved them my entire life, they are still able to surprise me with new aspects of their strength, courage, generosity, and love. Together, we have faced the worst time in our lives, and have united against every disaster, supporting each other no matter what. I don’t know how only children do it.

I’m not saying we haven’t had our differences. Being stubborn and opinionated and unafraid to express ourselves, there have certainly been differences. There probably always will be. But when all is said and done, we’re family. That’s what counts. And I’m so thankful for mine, just the way they are.

I definitely have a cold. I might as well have skipped putting on make-up on or near my nose this morning, ’cause it sure ain’t there now. Am very annoyed at breaking my almost two-year cold-free streak. On the bright side: I’m not in Amsterdam as I was last time. The Dutch concept of Kleenex (and toilet paper, for that matter) is in line with their no conspicuous consumption thing. It’s much closer to newspaper than Charmin. It would apparently be self-indulgent and unnecessary to have soft, cushiony Kleenex, etc. Even with soft, cushiony etc., I still look like the hell I feel.

I forgot to wear earrings today for the first time I can remember in my adult life. So I will be under accessorized when I have lunch with Richard today. And the earrings were right on my dressing table all ready, and really cute, too. Bright side: I’ll just wear them tomorrow instead.

My sister Megan is taking Mom to Petaluma this morning to meet the movers at Mom’s new apartment. If nothing goes terribly wrong (and that’s a big IF when you’re The Cursed Family), it’s all bright side, especially since it means John & I will finally have our apartment to ourselves again, after three weeks apart and three days of visitors.

Three reasons to rejoice, even if you have a cold:

1. Candi’s finally back!

2. My friend Kathleen is visiting here from Motown next week!

3. Last, but not least: Happy birthday to Colin! Hope you have a fabulous day and get all good presents. Nothing dull or sensible allowed.

Oh, no! I think I have a cold. The last time I had a cold was also the last time I was in Amsterdam, almost two years ago. Maybe it’s the same cold, and it’s been waiting for me all this time. And I thought all those Amsterdam mosquitoes were bad (canals+unseasonably warm weather = mosquitoes, and they love me even more than you do)! For once, I actually hope I’m wrong.

Just noticed that MT thinks I’m still in Europe.

Made it back safely. The Fates had kindly provided me with a nice guy sitting next to me, so chatting with him and watching mindless movies on my iBook made the process relatively painless. Guy looks like Ray Liotta but with hazel eyes and is a Canadian living in Berkeley. Are all nice guys Canadian?

It was a beautifully clear day, as it is today, so the view flying over the bay and the City was spectacular. No matter where I’ve been, or how close or far away, my heart alway leaps when it sees the City in all its glory. I’m really glad to be home.

Longest part of the trip was baggage claim. I have to say, Heathrow is much more organized. When I got through Customs and down to the baggage claim there, my bags were already waiting for me. Anyway, the really important things made it through unscathed, though the glass on a painting got completely shattered, but that’s easy to have repaired.

Got home to find that our apartment is under almost third world conditions, only with better d&eacutecor: 4 people, 4 cats, and 1 dog in a one bedroom apartment. But Mom’s stuff is supposed to arrive today, so she should be moving into her new apartment today or tomorrow. In the meantime, time to catch up at work!

It’s around 6:15 a.m. in London. Despite all the warnings about needing three hours for check-in, security, etc., it took less than half an hour. So now I have two hours to dread the ordeal ahead. In the meantime, here’s how to achieve a mental state suitably disordered for travel:

1. Go to sleep late at an unfamiliar hotel airport. Be so paranoid about not getting up on time and missing the plane that you have a wake-up call scheduled and have borrowed a travel alarm clock, but keep waking up every couple of hours anyway. Wake up before alarm goes off and just get the hell up.

2. Get the hell up really early. Discover that what you thought were 4 sachets of instant coffee are in fact two sachets of decaf and two of “real” coffee. Gah. Have half a cup of instant coffee, which is almost enough to enable you to face getting dressed, repacked, etc. Also just enough to replace your total exhaustion with partial exhaustion with an amusing edge of very minor caffeine buzz, which in turn enhances your native nervousness.

3. Arrive at the airport with plenty of time to fret. Do not eat anything. About an hour before take-off time, have a V&V (a valium with a vodka and orange juice). Worth the shudder if you can keep it down.

4. Hope for the best.

OK, here’s what’s been happening in the eon and a half since I have updated you on the Adventures of Suzy in Europe:

1. Got to Amsterdam and back in one piece. We went EasyJet, and although I have heard lots of complaints about them – all after I had already bought the tickets, of course – the flights left on time and arrived early. Finally, something I have no complaints about. Imagine.

Great to see my old friend Alice and to take my niece Cat and her friend Claudia around such a fabulous town. I have been to Amsterdam a few times, so it was fun to see the place through the new eyes of the girls, and I think they very much enjoyed having a local guide. It was shopping boot camp, as Alice took us to all the cool stores, including the fun and useful Condomerie and lots of great street markets. Ego boost: everyone took Cat and me for sisters.

We had dinner at the fashionable and gorgeous Inez, which is owned by Alice’s downstairs neighbor. The food was exquisite, and I don’t know which view was better: the city lights through the huge windows, or the guests coming and going to the private party hosted upstairs by the gay swimming team.

The girls had a blast, and it was great to see Alice again. There’s nothing like your really old friends, ones who have known you and loved you more than half your life. Especially when you consider the horrible fashions of the late seventies to mid-80’s. *shudder*

2. Discovered that Cat is not cartographically challenged, like her aunt Suzy and mother Beth. Beth drove, Cat navigated, and after the requisite 3 hours we arrived at the University of Bournemouth, where Cat is studying television production. Further ego boosting as I was continually taken for a student. Will have to declare ego as excess baggage.

It was hard to leave Cat there, even though she is a smart, strong, independent girl who can – and does – take care of herself. But for Beth, her only daughter won’t be living at home ever again, and is now taking her first steps on her own as an adult. And for her aunt, the daughter she never had is now an adult, out on her own. We all got all choked up in the parking lot. So un-English. Congrats, baby, and have some damn fun, ‘K?

3. Started sorting through and packing up my father’s things to bring home. I really might have to declare excess baggage for this one. I am also running out of time, since I have to spend Monday night at Heathrow before my boring and terrifying flight home on Tuesday. B&T not lessened by the knowledge that my mother will be there when I get home, living in my living room until her things arrive and she can move into her new apartment in Petaluma. Eeek. Also John might just greet me at the door holding nothing but divorce papers, after the hell of dealing with my family and their many crises during my long absence. Note to self: bring English candy and chips for John in an attempt to stave off divorce.

4. Took time off from sorting and fretting to sneak up to Town today and visit Kensington Palace, birthplace of Queen Victoria and London home of Princess Diana. In honor of the Queen’s Golden Jubilee, there is a special exhibit of wedding dresses worn by Queens for the past century, including the present Queen’s, her mother’s, and Queen Victoria’s. Really charming. Also displayed are splendid gowns from the early years of the Queen’s reign, and some of Princess Diana’s, too. So it was an enjoyably frivolous day. But now, back to work!

Love/hate for Friday, September 27, 2002
Inside Coffee vs. Outside Coffee

I firmly believe that there are two kinds of people: inside coffee drinkers, and outside coffee drinkers. I’m an inside coffee drinker myself, and I just can’t understand those outside coffee drinkers at all.

When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is stumble out to the kitchen and put on the kettle. The cats would like me to feed them first, but no. They have to wait until the kettle is on and the coffee is ground, waiting in its little French press. The coffee is always Caffe Trieste mocha java. No exceptions. It’s caffeine perfection. Just pour it in a cup and I’m done. No pollutants like cream or sugar to come between me and the coffee of bliss.

When the coffee is ready, I take it and my toast back to bed and read while consuming them. Then, and only then, am I able to face the horrors of contact lenses, make-up, getting dressed, and other necessary tasks for a civilized girl before unleashing herself on general society. I realize this means that I’m addicted to the caffeine (thanks to that summer in France when I was 17 and first developed a taste for coffee), but I feel it’s OK because I only have one cup a day. And otherwise, I have such a Puritan life: no liquor, no card playing, no dancing. Well, hardly ever, as the immortal Gilbert & Sullivan would say.

But the outside coffee drinkers…now, they are apparently able to do all these things without benefit of caffeine. They can get out of the house and practically all the way to work uncaffeinated. If you can do that, you don’t need the coffee. Or you don’t need it bad enough, my friend. Yet these people go to one of the five Starbuck’s on the block nearest their place of work and spend an outrageous amount of money on a drink they apparently don’t even need. I will never, ever get it.

I’m not saying that I’m completely immune to the considerable charms of having coffee in outdoor caf&eacutes, particularly in Paris or pretty much anywhere in Italy. It’s a wonderful way to people watch or allow one’s feet to recover from the joys of the Uffizi, for example. When in Rome, etc. But at home, I need coffee before I can even think about facing the day. I’m an inside coffee girl.

Love/hate: Royalty

Though I am an American and glad of it, I am also half-English, thanks to my English father and the several generations before his. Because of this, I have spent a fair amount of time in England, and know the Kings and Queens going back to William the Conqueror. I have views on Richard III (he didn’t smother the Princes in the Tower) and Charles I (how could they have executed such a man?). I taped all BBC coverage of the Queen Mother’s Lying in State and Funeral and cried through the whole thing. Not only did I watch Princess Diana’s wedding and funeral (more weeping), but I visited her family home the year after her untimely and tragic death. Royalty, even by marriage or association, fascinates me.

I think of history, and the English monarchy’s history in particular, as a very entertaining soap opera. I personally believe that history is essentially gossip similar to that found in the National Enquirer. None of those involved are around to comment on events directly, and the version of events we now have has been passed down by generations and has been changed by the prevailing political climates. You have well-known scandals like Henry VIII and his unfortunate wives; Jane Grey, who was Queen for 9 days and executed at the age of 16; Victoria, the longest-reigning monarch so far, whose grief at the loss of her beloved Consort, Prince Albert, was the obsession of her life (she had his clothes laid out and shaving water brought to his room every day after his death until her own, and wore deep mourning for the rest of her life); Edward VIII, who famously gave up his throne after reigning less than a year for “the woman he loved”; and of course, the present Queen’s family. She and her parents have led scandal-free lives, but that has more than been made up for by her sister and children.

But it’s not so much the scandal as the history and tradition that appeal to me. I love the pageantry and the connection to the past, going back thousands of years, that the monarchy represents. It doesn’t matter how little political power the Queen has. What does matter is her dedication to her people as Head of State, a lifetime commitment she took on at the youthful age of 24 and a duty she has performed tirelessly, in the face of personal crises and public criticism. I think she has been greatly touched by the outpouring of emotion accompanying her Golden Jubilee celebrations this year (the first since Victoria’s in 1887) and the public support and affection following the loss of the Queen Mother and Princess Margaret in what should have been one of the happiest years of the Queen’s life.

I don’t know what the future holds for the House of Windsor, but I hope that the monarchy is never abolished and the tradition and ceremony continue.

Another thing Americans who have never actually visited England (but think they know all about it anyway) think is that the food is terrible. Well, it’s not. During and immediately after WWII, sure. Now, no. Some of the best and most memorable meals I have ever eaten have been on this island (the Walnut Tree in Wales, the River Caf&eacute and the Tate restaurant spring to mind immediately), including last night.

Seckford Hall is completely gorgeous. It appeared in the twilight absolutely breathtaking on its emerald green grass (non-surprising factoid: grass is grown here as a crop and sent to grass deprived places for golf courses and so on). It has a perfect Elizabethan facade and the interior has been beautifully preserved while converting it to modern and luxurious use.

My cousins, Les and Nadine, who took me to dinner at this lovely place, are also beautifully preserved and look even better than they did last year. They are one of the happiest couples I have ever met, and it’s a joy to be around them. Their warmth, humor, and pleasure in each other and in life itself spill over onto whoever is with them. It was a wonderful evening, and the food was perfect, as was the service.

One of our party decided to have an after-dinner cigarette and the staff tried very hard to dissuade her from going out into the night instead of sitting in a comfortable chair beside the fire, for example. When she had finally convinced them that she truly preferred to go outside, the comfortable chair was placed on the lawn for her convenience and removed when she was finished. Now that’s service. If that’s what having servants is like, I’m all for it. I really have to work harder on being idle rich (since I’m a Gemini, that sentence is completely logical).

The week I have spent here so far has been a sort of food and wine orgy, and very unlike my puritanical existence at home, where I drink spring water, eat only twice a day, and walk miles up and down hill and my greatest indulgence is a cup of black coffee first thing in the morning. The dinners we had at the Nobody Inn were superb. Then there was Seckford Hall, and today we had lunch at a charming place in Aldeburgh, Suffolk called The Lighthouse, where I had fresh local crab dressed with herb mayonnaise and a salad with grilled duck and a vinaigrette made of fresh raspberries and lime juice. And I’m supposed to have dinner? As soon as I get home, I’m going to detox. In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy myself.

When I told people in vacation-deprived America that I was going to England for three weeks, they all thought it was a long time to spend in such a small place. After they finished marvelling at the extravagance of time spent, they’d say things like, “You’ve been there before – you must have seen it all by now.” I don’t think even the most dedicated person, even one with the assistance of amphetamines and with limited sleep, could “see everything.” Have any of you residents of his sceptred isle seen it all? And you do realize I was kidding about the road thing, right?

Another thing that’s so great about England is that almost everything is older than me, and I love that. Today’s examples of things older than Suzy: Sutton Hoo, where I spent the day, and Seckford Hall, where I’m having dinner with my cousin Les and his wife Nadine.

Sutton Hoo was the burial place of warriors and kings during the 600’s, and is also believed to be a place of execution and burial a few years later. The famous ship buried there, with its wonderful helmet and exquisitely crafted treasure, most likely was the grave of one of the earliest kings of England, Raedwald. It is a fascinating and mystical place, and I like it that we don’t fully understand everything about it. I guess scholars would love to know more about our ancestors and their beliefs, and so would I in some ways, but in others I like it that we haven’t been able to dissect everything and reduce it to scientific facts and figures.

As I walked these burial mounds with dozens of other visitors who were laughing and talking, I thought we should all show more respect in memory of the people killed and summarily dumped in shallow graves; a king who united his people for the first time; the warrior and his faithful horse, now always together; the graves of men, women and children who lived, loved and worked under the same blue Suffolk sky more than 1,000 years ago. How many years have to pass before this reverence is no longer expected and a place of bereavement and suffering can become a tourist attraction?

OK, so England has a real traffic problem. Although it’s pretty much the size of Pennsylvania, it takes a million years to get anywhere. That’s probably why the Empire, once one quarter of the globe, has shrunk to the size of, well, Pennylvania. It took them too damn long to get to wherever they were supposed to be defending the Empire.

It seems to work one of two ways to a girl used to the wide open spaces of the US of A.

1. The quaint country lanes, winding their way through the beautiful English countryside. These are something in the nature of the gorgeous girl who looks so great at first but then turns out to be a psycho or deeply stupid, thereby completely negating what were formerly irresistible charms. The lanes, too, look great, and you think, “How nice and relaxing to drive on these lanes which have been here for centuries instead of on a soulless freeway.”

But the lanes have these really high hedges on both sides which make it impossible to see what is around the corner. So you have to drive sloooooowly. It’s like driving in football time. You know how the clock in football says 20 minutes left in the game, and two hours later it says 15 minutes left? Same thing. Signpost says 5 miles to the destination, and it takes you an hour to get there, assuming that signpost wasn’t something put up to confuse potential invaders in WWII and left there either out of an evil sense of humor to mess with those tourists who shouldn’t be there in the first place, or because they just forgot about it and never changed it, in the same way that the letter of the law still says you can be hanged, drawn, and quartered Braveheart style for damaging the Great Wall of York, though hardly anyone ever is. And assuming that the signpost doesn’t say Exeter in every possible direction.

I had a revelation on Saturday that Lewis Carroll really wasn’t all that clever in making up that part in “Through the Looking Glass” where the road Alice is following keeps coming back to the same place and not where she was trying to go. He just observed it, he didn’t invent it.

2. The parking lots that are supposed to be freeways, or some form of highway. These would be your motorways or A roads. You get stuck on them as long as the country lanes, though unlike the country lanes, which give you the illusion of getting somewhere, you sit there endlessly and get nowhere. Probably one of the well-known rooms in hell. Really, really surprising that the murder rate isn’t higher, though come to think of it, that may be why they banned guns here in the first place. They wouldn’t be drive by shootings, they’d be canned hunts.

Back in Wimbledon briefly after a long weekend in Devon. On the way, we passed Stonehenge, which appeared dramatically out of nowhere on Salisbury Plain. It was surrounded by golden fields, where the hay had been harvested into big rolls rather than the typical rectangular American bales, and where sheep were contentedly grazing, careless of the ancient history and mysticism of the spot. I understand that it now has a fence around it and gift shops, etc., so I’d rather remember it in the pre-fence and shop days.

Spent Friday night with our good friend Colin in the charming village of Colyton. It’s everything an English village should be: buildings ranging from the 1300’s to the 1800’s; thatched cottages; rolling hillsides with fields divided by hedges and dotted with sheep; winding, country lanes bordered with high hedges which demand a level of courtesy impossible – or at least highly unlikely in most locations – in the great United States, since you have to be constantly on the alert for oncoming traffic and even – gasp! – back up to accommodate them as necessary. England is so polite.

Went to Dartmoor on Saturday, the location of “Hound of the Bsaskervilles”. It’s wild and beautiful countryside, with yellow gorse and pink heather blooming, punctuated by outgroppings of rough grey granite and the famous tors. Though the mystery summer of warmth and sun continues, I can imagine what a mysterious, frightening, and romantic place it would be in the winter, and why it has inspired so many writers and local legends. They still say wild beasts roam the moor at night, though all I saw in the bright sunshine were cows of every possible color and sheep casually grazing and meandering across the road as fancy took them, making traffic stop until the meander was over.

On Saturday and Sunday, we stayed in the villagette of Doddiscombsleigh, home of the excEt Nobody Inn. We spent two nights there in the adjoining manor house, orginally belonging to Sir Ralph de Doddiscombe in the 1200’s. I had this fabulous room. The Nobody is justly famed for its food, which is superb, and its wine list, which is a tome similar in size and weight to “War and Peace”, though much more amusing as far as I was concerned. They also have a mind-blowing selection of local cheeses and apparently the biggest collection of whiskies in the UK. Our friend Colin knows the owner well, and he told us that the Inn is booked solid every weekend through December. I can understand why.

I discovered yet another talent that I don’t have: map reading. Margaret and I went into Exeter, home of the magnificent Cathedral. Colin left us after lunch to prepare for a trip of his own, so we had to make our way back to the Nobody without a local guide. It was so traumatic that I took half a valium after we got home. We took every possible wrong turn. Every road seemed to lead to Exeter, no matter what direction it was going in. The map was singularly uninformative and made me feel like I was failing an IQ test. Things began to seem both absurd and surreal, as if trip was being orchestrated by Samuel Beckett in a really bad mood. My tiny supply of patience gave out after about an hour – it took us nearly 3 hours for a drive that an informed person could have done in 45. Finally, we got into the endless, formerly charming country lanes leading to the Nobody. At this point, if I never see a charming country lane, or a road leading to Exeter, ever again, it will be too soon.

Love/hate for Friday, September 13, 2002
Literature

I feel lucky to have grown up surrounded by books – my father built bookshelves in every house we ever lived in, and they were still stacked on the floor – and with parents who restricted our TV watching. The result was that I could read when I was three, and we played outside in all weathers instead of staring at a TV or computer screen. I think if you grow up with a love of books and reading, and the worlds they contain, it never leaves you.

My father read to us every night, and also used to recite Shakespeare aloud as he cooked dinner. So I grew up with it and thus was unintimidated by the language and understood the in-jokes and subtext before I studied it in school, though I’m sorry to say that few books I studied in school withstood the excruciating tearing apart, with meanings read into them that the authors surely never intended. Personally, I think examining a book on the molecular level deprives it of its intrinsic joy and value. Isn’t it enough to realize that human nature has changed very little since Shakespeare’s day and enjoy that fact and his exploration of the psyche? If you dissect a bird to see how it flies, it never flies again.

Literature is something like pornography, in that it’s difficult to define, but each person is convinced they’ll recognize it when they see it. One person’s classic is another person’s minor writer, but isn’t all art, in all media, completely subjective?

Some of my favorite writers could be considered literature, or at a minimum, classic. Jane Austen, for one. I can’t remember who said it, but someone was once asked if he ever read novels. Without hesitation, he replied, “Yes. All six of them, every year.” This refers, of course, to Jane’s oeuvre, and I couldn’t agree with him more. Human nature has rarely been observed with such wit, humor, and accuracy.

Others include Anthony Trollope – especially his “Barchester” series; GB Shaw; Oscar Wilde; Edith Wharton; and Willa Cather. I return to their works over and over and rediscover the reasons I love them in the first place.

Somehow, “literature” always seems to belong to the past. I would hesitate to class more modern writers, such as Truman Capote, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Raymond Carver, J.D. Salinger, and Richard Ford as literature, yet they have produced some of the most eloquent, brilliant, and moving prose I have ever read.

I leave the last word to Jane: “One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.”

I did get here in one piece, though with a total hangover from all that champagne on the flight. I never can resist it, especially when it’s free and the good French stuff. The time just blurred by, watching movies on my cute little iBook (though all on battery power, since the plane wasn’t equipped with the plug-in thing) and listening to music on my adorable little minidisc player and not sleeping, unlike almost everyone else. I only read an unprecedented two out of the 5 New Yorkers I brought with me, and managed to spill champagne on both of them, so they look about as bad as I did on arrival, stumbling through Heathrow all sleep deprived, headachy, and nauseous. Maybe that’s why they asked me so many questions at Customs. Much more than usual, anyway.

Although there had been a storm on Monday, it was sunny and 26C when I got here. Am beginning to wonder if what I brought with me is up to the sartorial challenge posed by the English weather, which is, if possible, even more capricious than I am. The sunny weather is supposed to last until Tuesday.

I stayed up until 9:30 last night, slept for 12 hours, and feel just fine. Off to Devon tomorrow, where they have towns with names like Cricket St. Thomas and about a million that end in “minster”.