Nov 18 2002
Bored of the Rings
John finally persuaded me to watch Lord of the Rings on Saturday. I had read The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings trilogy when I was about 12, and never read it again, though I am an inveterate re-reader. I re-read all of Jane Austen’s novels around once a year, and I can’t remember a Christmas when I didn’t read The Box of Delights (the best children’s book ever) or have it read to me by my father.
So I should have realized that the books weren’t really for me, given that I never wanted to read them again. I have always found adults who create incredibly detailed alternate universes, down to geography, history, and mythology quite unsettling, as are the afficiandos of those books. It’s as if they are too busy living in the fantasy world to live their real life, which is all too short though obviously less controllable than the alternate universe. In the fantasy universe, they probably are remotely attractive and have actual sex lives and so on, unlike the real world. I’m sorry, but the gorgeous rarely invent fantasy worlds, especially incredibly detailed ones, because they don’t have to. Look at the attendees of any Star Trek convention on the planet, and you’ll see what I mean.
And I know women have been bemoaning this since time immemorial, but John totally lied to me about how long it is. It’s like 3 & 1/2 hours long. Had I known this important fact, I would have remained in blissful ignorance, but by the time we switched to the second disc (always a bad sign), we’d already invested more than 2 hours in it. Movies should be less than two hours, just like songs should rarely venture past the 4 minute mark, or I’ll get bored. And boredom is my greatest fear after Death itself.
The first part of the movie was definitely the most fun for me. I lovedlovedloved Bilbo’s house (and I seem to recall that my 12 year old self liked The Hobbit the best of the books, too) – it is gorgeous – and the fireworks were fantastic. But the second half, with those stupid Elves and all those boring battles, just bored the daylights out of me. I hate battle scenes and sex scenes in movies. I just want to them to be over with so I know who wins and the story can move on. Also the slime monsters looked like something out of the first season of Buffy. And there was no-one worth looking at in the cast, with its breathtakingly effete male stars (that Frodo! He’s the Castro poster child. And those pink cheeks!) and overrated and dull girls (the ubiquitous Liv Tyler and equally u. Cate Blanchett: the ubiquitous twins from each side of the Pond).
I will utter the final heresy before changing my name and going to live in obscurity forever (I am completely resigned to being burned in effigy in the alternate universe of the fantasy geeks), having bitterly offended the planet by disliking this movie so much. I didn’t care at all when Gandalf died.
How’s that for unrepentant?
9 Responses to “Bored of the Rings”
Well I just simple can’t let that slide. 😉
Firstly not withstanding I don’t have a sex life, I really don’t believe it?s related to my love for all things fantasy and sci fi. Actually I stand corrected, for good fantasy and sci fi.
It is quite often a girl (sorry but its true) perception that fantasy and sci fi are by virtue of them being set in a different genre not as good as other fiction. I have read some of the most amazing political subtext on humanity in a sci fi book and what is Shakespeare or opera (Wagner?) if not fantasy. No good writing is good writing regardless of the genre. Unfortunately many people (mainly girls again) never give fantasy/sci fi a good chance because of the genre itself and nothing more.
Tolkein was a master of the genre and painting landscapes with words. As he did emotion and many other things. He also one of the few authors to get me to cry.
One of the few things about fantasy I like is that it is ESCAPISM. The same thing you get from Jane Austin I get from fantasy. And there is only a fine line between a period piece and a fantasy. I like the fact I don?t have to deal with rejection from this girl, shit from that boss and bills and mortgages and can instead run off and save the world in the dungeons of Mordor. That escapism is what allows me to go to work the next day and deal with the mundane. And few authors are gorgeous regardless of the books that right. Artistry (except for modern pop crap) has never been about looks.
Question, you don?t like battle scenes but do you find true war stories interesting? Fantasy battles are just a bit of history that never happened. And as Gaimen says, ?Just because something never happened doesn?t make it any less true?
I thought Liv was a babe but then I always do.
Lord of the Rings is about so much more than elves and battles. But it is about them too. It would be equally bad taking out the romance form a dram and just leaving the sex. Its all part of the story.
It?s a pity you didn?t enjoy it, and I always despair that people write off fantasy and sci fi so easily. But each to their own. I do think you blog was more of a ?I don?t like this and it isn?t for me? than a ?this is crap? posting. I?m not trying to attack your choices, merely give my point of view.
One of my favourite quotes about fantasy (can?t remember who from) is ?Fairly tales [i.e. fantasy] are important not because the teach us that dragons do exist, but because they teach us that dragons can be defeated?
it’s ok, Gandalf doesn’t really die anyway ;).
I could never get into Sci Fi either, although I *did* enjoy the movie which is actually kind of weird. I found the movie gripping and I was on the edge of my seat the entire film.
Have you seen Harry Potter yet? I saw it on Friday and overall I enjoyed it. A few complaints, of course but still…it’s Hogwarts! And Dumbledoor (sp?)! And Harry!
First of all – I’m exactly like you with the Jane Austen books. If a year goes by and I haven’t read Pride and Prejudice, something is wrong. I read all the others almost as often too.
I like LOR, haven’t read the books, but thought it was interesting. I wasn’t too upset when Gandolf died – I figured he would be back somehow. =) I find a lot of fantasy to be stuffy and boring, sci fi is better in my opinion but generally I stick to regular fiction. So I see where you’re coming from on this.
Oh – I do have to say that that Elf dude that was in the fellowship, he was a cutie – I don’t know, maybe it was his ears or the way he handled his bow….
=)
I’m not sure I understand the distinction between someone who relaxes by reading Pride & Prejudice (I guess you represent the prejudice in this case) and someone who relaxes reading Lord of the Rings, they’re both imaginary (I read both). I think it’s great that I’m judged an ugly loser on the basis of my reading habits, though.
d
I think the difference might be that Pride and Prejudice was set in real life. The real world of 1806. I can lose myself in imaginary stories set in imaginary worlds but I prefer to read imaginary stories set in the real world – everyone is different.
I knew you could rope in some fucktards if you tried really, really hard, Suzy. Hahaha!
Maybe Suzy’s problem with the fantasy world stems from the fact that the people who like to live in it may also fantasize that anyone gives a rat’s ass how offended they are that someone didn’t like the movie or books. *snort*
Candi,
Had Suzy not cared what us fucktards thought she would probably remove the comments feature. I don?t actually care if you give a rats ass or not. I wasn?t offended by Suzy?s blog, it was intelligent and made her point albeit a bit harshly at times. Your comment is purely insulting and childish. If genuine debate invokes this kind of response I shudder to see what mud slinging you are going to follow up with.
If reading what most people acknowledge as one of the great books of our time makes me a fucktard so be it. Since Suzy?s husband also likes it, you are insulting him as well as those of us who obviously live purely in a fantasy world and don?t have real jobs or lives or anything else. Tell me when the lynch mob arrives, clearly I?m not fit to be on the same planet at you.
Adrian Fucktard Sevitz
Adrian, I wasn’t referring to your comment, but your knee-jerk response to mine is certainly telling.
However, there will be no mud slinging from me. I learned long ago that people tend to make my arguments for me– I just sit back and let them prove my point. The point being, since you missed it the first time, is that people take complete strangers’ opinions entirely too seriously.
Oh, and I loved, loved, LOVED Lord of the Rings. Just so you know.
And I love Suzy, too, she’s one of my best friends. And her husband ranks pretty high on the list, too.
And since this is their blog and not mine or yours, I suggest that you and I ignore each other from this point on, hmmm?
Candi,
I know which comment you where referring to and it happens to be a friend of mine, who is very well read and has a wide ranging scope of literary and film interest. I don?t see how you can accuse me of having a knee jerk reaction. Suzy posted an interesting blog and everyone else posted an intelligent comment. Your comment seemed merely to condescend and insult some of Suzy?s readers.
Nobody took Suzy?s post any more seriously than it was a point she made and other offered their opinion. If Suzy didn?t want to hear peoples (or my) opinion I would presume she would delete my comment or ask me not to comment.
I enjoy people?s comments as much as the original post on many sites, Suzy writes well and creates interesting discourse. I don?t see why there is a need to wind up and deride some of her readers because they offered an opinion.
So be it. I hope Suzy appreciates my comments and opinions.
Yours
Adrian