Apr 30 2009
I Fought Insomnia, and Insomnia Won
At least so far.
It’s 2:00 in the morning. I made the mistake of taking some Excedrin for my raging headache, with the result that I now have a headache and what I call “aspirin tummy”. Throbbing head; stomach a vat of seething acid. I tried to go to sleep and forget about the whole thing, but after an hour of tossing and turning and irritating the cats (who were setting a good example by sleeping curled up cutely together until I kept waking them up*), I had to admit defeat.
When I was in second grade, I had a truly vile teacher named Mrs. Conneman. She was so mean to me that I used to have extremely vivid fantasies about my parents sweeping into the classroom and carrying me off (with a quick stop at my locker for important personal belongings, like my red rain boots). I still remember looking back at the old hag with total triumph as I was borne away from her clutches, once and for all. I’ve always been a pretty talented day-dreamer.
Not surprisingly, I had bad stomach aches in those days. Apparently they were quite common among Conneman students (though this did not seem to lead to an official inquiry or get her fired, because she was still there when I was in 6th grade). Rather than getting rid of the cause of the belly aches, I got dosed with a hideous dark-green liquid to dull the pain. If it were in a fairy tale, it would at least have turned me into a toad, and probably something worse. It was the liquid version of Mrs. Conneman. My hopes were temporarily raised when I learned it also came in chocolate, but that turned out to be a brown, chalky nightmare that was, if possible, even worse than the original flavor.
When I was in 6th grade, I was horror-struck to learn that our class would be presenting a Christmas play to none other than the evil Mrs. Conneman’s latest batch of victims. Despite the protective camouflage of my full-body Christmas tree costume, I was convinced she’d know it was me and do something horrible. I don’t know what I thought she could do but believe me, I was ready for some medicine by the time I tremblingly approached her door like it was Death Row.
Needless to say, nothing happened. Undoubtedly she was fully occupied with destroying the psyches of those currently in her class to bother with the damaged goods of years gone by. Nearly 40 years and 4,000 miles later, though, a stomach and headache bring me right back to that day.
*And looking at me as if to say, “What the hell? Stop imitating a tossed salad and go to sleep already!”
4 Responses to “I Fought Insomnia, and Insomnia Won”
We all had one of those teachers like Mrs. Conneman’s at one time or another in our stay at school, the one teacher that made all the others look good. What you need to do is forget about the one bad one and think of the many good teachers you had, the insomnia will be defeated, your stomach will feel better and the cats will love you for it, in my opinion anyways.
I solve a sleepless time by having a hot cocoa…..then a short read…..then off goes the light & in my imagination I am walking down to the beach in PEI ( my very favourite spot on earth ) then, once I have reached the beach I have to decide whether to turn to my right or to my left – either sides of our main beach are equally great….& so on & so on until…….hey presto! it is morning and I had meandered into a good night’s sleep.
This is what works for me……
I think each of us has to work out their own method – worst thing is to worry about it, I am told by one who knows!
BTW – I would dump Mrs. C., fancy letting her upset you after all these years. She obviously is not worth such an exercise. Think of the good times – as our friend Guy suggests.
jx
Man, I would be tempted to track down that Mrs. C and shake my fist impotently at her front porch, wishing I had the courage to do something juvenile like setting fire to a bag of poo and leaving it there. Sourpuss teachers are the pits; I’m so lucky I never had one.
I used to get really terrible insomnia, and my doctor lectured me numerous times on “sleep hygiene” (this was back in the days when I had a doctor to call “my doctor”). The one thing that really stuck with me was that when I was having trouble sleeping, I should go do something else outside the bedroom. I view my mind as a recalcitrant toddler. “FINE! You don’t want to go to bed?! Well then, we’re going to the living room and reading, or cleaning the toilet, or futzing around with the website.” I found that it really helped, because when I got tossy and turny I would just get up and dither around for awhile, and then go back to bed without all of the anxiety associated with insomnia. But everyone’s brain is different, so your mileage may vary.
Good suggestions, everyone – thanks!