Suzy Says

{{This one is being posted late because my #*%@ing printer crapped out and then my #*%@ing computer froze up and I thought my #*%@ing head was going to explode because that meant I had to rewrite this whole #*%@ing entry from memory!}}

Cat Update:

Lemme tell ya, Jack was driving me nuts this morning, bitching me out and trying to make me serve breakfast earlier. And she was Little Miss Feisty when I was putting the ointment on her eye, raising her paws and batting at me like a boxer. Her eye is getting better though. Oh, and yesterday Hannah was sitting in the hallway as I went sneaking into the bathroom. I soaked a cloth in warm water to wash her chin, then peeked around the corner to see if she was still there. She saw me and took off like a shot, hiding under the bed. Pretty smart for somebody who can?t figure out how to wash after a meal.

Things That Still Piss Me Off After All These Years #15:

In 1995 cartoonist Bill Watterson announced his retirement, creating a wave of shock, anger and sadness. I was one of the angry ones, pissed because I couldn?t believe there was now and forever a finite number of Calvin & Hobbes strips. The guy does have a lot of integrity though, even if he is a serious publicity-shunner, so it?s not like he sold out. Also, he looks just like Calvin?s dad.

Women Are Strange #284:

So I?m walking down the street a little while ago, and this stumpy woman is thundering along the sidewalk in front of me like she?s wearing cement boots or something, and I realize with horror that in one of her wildly flailing hands is a massive cluster of keys, all shiny and sharp, and her hand is swinging back and forth at scrotum level, so I quickly leap out into traffic to cross to the other side of the street. It was a no-brainer, really. Dodge cars, trucks and buses, or lose a testicle? Hmmm, tough choice.

Random Notes:

It?s nice to know that in San Francisco, you no longer have to worry about being run down by a motorboat while attempting to catch a home run that has been knocked out of the park. (Click on the left-hand photo for a good look at the layout.)

And this related Giants story bring us the Sports Headline of the Day ?Big Unit Mows Down Giants.’ There is some fairly provocative and/or disturbing imagery to be gained from that headline, assuming of course that you don?t know the ?Big Unit? in question is Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Randy Johnson, and not a ? randy johnson.

Final Question:

Nightmarish Number Two Scenario: What if you had to move the mail real bad while in the middle of a fast and furious day at work, so you run to the bathroom and drop trou, and when you think you are done with your express delivery you realize you?ve just wiped yourself with the tail of your shirt. Jesus! What would you do— (a) try to wash your shirt in the sink, presenting quite a sight to anyone else entering the bathroom, (b) try to tear off and discard the soiled part of your shirt, (c) throw the whole goddamn shirt in the trash, or (d) walk out and never come back, starting the search for a new job the following morning? (Not that this has ever happened to me, but sometimes I just can?t help imagining things like this?)

-Rufus