Suzy Says

On the last day of the year, I deposited the last paycheck of the year insouciantly.

Three days later, I gave my landlord the rent check. ‘Cause when I get paid, all I really do is put it other places. Rent. Amerigas. AT&T. The liquor bill. You know. It was nice almost knowing you, money!

My landlord returned from the bank (a forty minute drive each way) with a returned check. His bank wouldn’t cash it.

Embarrassed and mystified, I called my bank while he waited. After the requisite amount of pressing this button and that and being transferred hither and yon, I finally talked to an actual person (they do still exist, apparently) who told me that when my bank first presented the check to my boss’ bank, they wouldn’t confirm or deny that the funds were there. To protect their customers’ privacy, they said. So my bank slammed a ten day hold on it.

I explained all this to my landlord, who could not have been nicer about the whole thing. I’m not sure whether this lessened or added to the humiliation, especially in light of the fact that I broke the floor within ten days of moving in here, a scant three months ago. Dream tenant, that’s me.

I called the bank again, pointing out that I’ve had an account there for twenty years and that they could call the issuing bank and confirm that the money was there. They wouldn’t do it. Once it’s on hold, that’s it until the ten days are up.

I asked them what would happen if my boss canceled the check and put cash in my account. Well, in that case, I’d be charged a $35 returned check fee, and they might close my account completely for putting a bad check in. So much for valuing my loyalty and all that crap.

The next day, I got an email from them saying that the check was on hold. You don’t say! Really? I noted that this was several days after the whole mess started, so clearly they only sent me the email to cover their bankly butts after I started asking questions.

I think I need a new category for this kind of thing. Absurdities? Bureaucracy? Suggestions welcome.

Update: I had just answered Amber’s comment on the difficulty of changing her address at the bank when there was a knock at my door. It was my landlord with a letter from the bank. The letter was confirming my address change – and sent to my old/incorrect address. I have already called them three times to change the address, and received an email on January 22 confirming the address change. I think I’m going to go with Alison’s suggestion and file this one under “bullshit”.