Suzy Says

In case you have to move sometime in the future – and I dearly hope you don’t, since I love you dearly – here’s how to do it the nouveau pauvre way.

Craigslist is key. Since you all know that much of my life is brought to me courtesy of Craigslist, you won’t be surprised to learn that it’s where I turned to first. I got all the boxes and bubble wrap (which is surprisingly expensive when you buy it new) for free from people who were unwise enough to move to Oakland. One guy moved here from Boston, and it was really hard not to tell him what a huge error in judgment he’d made. He’ll find out for himself. He’ll probably be looking for moving boxes on Craigslist himself within the year.

Save up your newspapers to pad the valuables and to cushion the items that don’t rate bubble wrap, even free bubble wrap. There’s a definite caste system to my packing. Two hundred year old Wedgwood gets bubble wrap. Dishes from Target get newspaper. Don’t forget to cancel the paper before you move!

Reserve your truck ahead to get the best rate, and don’t be afraid to negotiate. Think of it as an unpaid internship at an embassy. If you can, get your brother to drive it and help you pack it, or a boy who’s trying to impress you. It’s free that way, though reasonably priced Rent-A-Boys are available in select locations.

Around here, it’s Moving (or at least Packing) Eve. I got a kind of fireworks send off by the house across the street being on fire last night (when my camera battery was exhausted and taking a nap, so no visual aids for you, my friends. The camera battery gets exhausted faster than I do.). And this morning, I was awoken by a call from my close personal friends at U-Haul telling me that the truck has to be picked up in Hayward, which is at least a half hour drive from here. Neither the waking up nor the news made me very happy.

I have to remember my sister’s wise advice: “Don’t worry about all this. You just pay it for it twice that way.” She also pointed out that our brother will be with me every step of the way, so how bad can it be? He is, after all, an incredible Number One Groover on Life.

I love my family.

It’s simply tipping it down outside, as my late, great stepmother used to say, in her rich, plummy voice. It’s giving me flashbacks of the Highway to Hell last week. Just looking at the car is making me nervous.

The girls are trapped in the house, and Henry is the King of the Porch again. It warms my Grinchy little heart whenever I peek out of my bedroom window and see him all curled up on his cozy bed, fast asleep as the rain beats at the windows. I wonder if he’ll like living in a house?

I hope it doesn’t rain on Wednesday, when we’re packing the truck, or Thursday, when we’re unpacking it. Operation Escape Oakland has been slightly modified. Rob and Jonathan are going to leave Albion before sunrise, and we’ll all troop over to the U-Haul place sometime around 9:00 or 10:00 on Wednesday morning. I’m planning to pick up a couple of rental boys, since Rob is forbidden to lift anything heavier than 20 pounds, and that’s about all I can lift, anyway. Also, there’s my new manicure to consider.

When I went to the U-Haul place on popular murder destination International Boulevard to get a price list a couple of weeks ago, I was swarmed by men before I even got out of the car. You’d have thought I was Megan Fox in a teeny bikini. They were disappointed, because not only did I fail to be a gorgeous starlet, I wasn’t hiring. For a low, low price, they’ll help you pack your truck, mow your lawn, and pretty much any other odd job that isn’t too odd. So I think we’ll pick up a couple when we pick up the truck. Cash for them, help for us. What’s not to love?

Note to self: do not make jokes about what could be in the grandfather clock’s coffiny box, or how heavy it is.

So we’ll pack up on Wednesday, grab dinner at the taqueria, and the boys who are related to me will sleep on an inflatable bed in the living room, and I’ll sleep on my mattress in the empty bedroom, both the pull-out couch and the bed being safely packed in the truck. Then we’ll take off on Thursday morning.

So I’ll come full circle in this house. I started out camping here, waiting for my furniture to be delivered, and I’ll end up camping here, with my furniture in the truck. There’s something poetic about that.