May 04 2008
Postcard from Florida
The Oakland airport is much smaller and less crowded than SFO. This means you can breeze through security after the usual exotic dance routine. Once you do, though, you soon discover that there is no Red Carpet Club, so you have to sit sadly at the gate, where you are tortured by an endless loop of Muzak. The Muzak is punctuated by security announcements about abandoned luggage, which can be “inspected, searched [what’s the difference?], damaged, or removed”. I also wondered about the “damaged” part, whether that means blowing it up, or, say, kicking it around.
Yes, I had too much time to kill at the gate.
Once aboard, I was delighted to discover that I had an entire row to myself. I was less delighted to discover that the father of a small child sitting in front of me had decided to equip his son with a harmonica for the voyage. I imagine that I was not the only one.
As for the Denver to Tampa flight, I’m not sure which was worse: flying through a thunderstorm with all that lightning, or the screaming kids. Since the FAA is always making new rules to make air travel less comfortable, how about one to make it better? I have three options for the powers that be to choose from:
- Build a soundproof room at the back of the plane to accommodate people travelling with children;
- Enact a rule that children must be sedated, crated, and placed in cargo, along with the other pets (this could have a snappy title like “Sedate’n’Crate” for marketing purposes – it might really catch on); or
- Equip flight attendants with tranquilizer darts like on Wild Kingdom.
Banning harmonicas goes without saying.
Being met by the chauffeur was as fabulous as I thought. After the horrors of the planes, it was heavenly to be ensconced in the cool quiet of the Town Car and sped through the dark, balmy night to the fancy resort.
On checking in, the front desk apologized profusely for the suite, whose balcony faces (gasp!) the lagoon, instead of the beach (as seen above). They are moving me to the beach suite later on today, but all I have to do is leave my bag and they?ll take care of it, so I can ?enjoy my day?. I could get used to this.
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