Dec 04 2006
The Frustrated Vampire
When I finally went to see the doctor, she didn’t tell me anything about the tests, other that “sluggish heart muscle” thing and “it wouldn’t hurt to take a baby aspirin every day for now.” When I replied that I might as well get a grey poodle ‘do and housedress and get it over with (feeling, as I do, that I’m far too youthful & immature for such potentially serious health issues), she retaliated with anecdotes of patients younger than Self who had worse heart problems.
See, this never works for me. I don’t care about the other people. I only care about Me.
So I have to wait yet again (you’d think I’d be better at this with all the practice I’ve been getting lately, but no) to see the cardiologist* on the 20th. Happy holidays, indeed.
To amuse me in the meantime: more blood tests!
I happened to not eat the next day before I went to the gym, though I kept this secret to myself and nothing untoward happened. The closest bloodletting facility is in Chinatown, so I made my way there after the gym, feeling all virtuous. I worked out! I’m getting the damn tests done! I’m trying not to worry!
I get there, take a number, and wait, my latest hobby. When my number is called, I give the receptionist my list of tests, and she asks me if I ate that day.
“No, ” I say, smugly.
“Coffee?”
“Well, yes.”
“No test!”
“But I had it black.”
“Clear liquid only!”
“Black coffee is clear.”
“No! No coffee!”
For emphasis, she takes off her glasses and stares at me.
“No test! You waste your blood!”
Not quite able to believe this, I stand there, irresolute, until she orders me to “Go home! You go home now!”
I did.
Tests are still not done.
*Really, once the specialist has reared his ugly head, isn’t it just a mtter of time until the poodle ‘do and housedress?
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