Oct 19 2005
Wild, Wild Life
Wild, Wild Life
Bigger is not always better. For example, thighs. Or butts. Or To Do Lists. Or obstacles.
Or vermin.
The home invaders have gotten bigger and badder recently. In the past week, I have been visited by a squirrel and a pigeon (on different occasions, but both uninvited). It’s my own fault for leaving the front door open, but that doesn’t seem to matter all that much when you have a pigeon flapping around overhead or a squirrel scrabbling in your kitchen.
I’m sorry to say that I was unequal to the Nature challenge (as usual). Being the Hysterical Female Poster Child, I fled the premises and grabbed the nearest boy. Fortunately, the building is well-equipped with boys, available to deal with sudden emergencies of the plumbing and wildlife kind. Here are the lessons I learned:
1. What a broom is for. It’s for removing pigeons. Broom in hand, brushy side up, you wave it around over your head, and sweep the pigeon out of the door. Any fallen feathers can be removed by the cleaning crew, who probably already know how to use a broom.
2. In the case of squirrels, the approved method is to block all methods of egress (as PT Barnum would say) other than the door. Make a loud noise to flush squirrel out of hiding. Chase it out the door.
Alternate method: Get Rita the Wonder Dog to chase it out for you. This is one of her specialties.
3. Boys: they’re not just for opening jars!
4. Mr. Mouse is not as scary as previously thought. Of course, I haven’t seen him in about a year, and supposedly absence makes the heart grow fonder*, so this opinion is subject to change. After all, it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind.
5. Don’t leave the front door open.
Well, this young lady has learned her lesson.
*And they also say, “Out of sight, out of mind”, but which one is it? I mean, you can’t have it both ways.
4 Responses to “Wild, Wild Life”
I apologize for laughing, but it is kind of funny; Suzie Doolittle* comes to mind. BTW, you definitely are on a Talking Heads slant when it comes to entry titles.
* I love the way you (and your neighbours) have so many descriptive names.
Yes, I find the boys in my building helpful for opening jars as well.
Boys are also good for dealing with dead wildlife. It’s why I try to keep one handy at all times!
A squirrel and a pigeon? You’ve got me beat on the unwelcome guest count.
I’ll try to remember the “boys” hint. But there aren’t too many available ones around here.
Have a quiet weekend, vermin-wise.