Suzy Says

I don’t know why I was surprised at getting lost and/or going the wrong way en route. I mean, no matter where I am, I spend half my time looking for things (especially glasses, very challenging when you’re as blind as the proverbial bat without them), and the other half losing them. Sometimes I think my place is the apartment equivalent of the Bermuda Triangle, where things disappear, never to be seen again.

But yes, it developed into quite the little talent, joining the elite ranks of the few, the shallow, that I already had (whining/complaining; shopping; picking the best thing on the menu and the right wine to go with it). Even the brand-new road atlas couldn’t save me from unscheduled detours, including the infamous twice in one day.

Theoretically, all I had to do was stay on the same road (I-75) and I’d end up in Florida. Of course, it didn’t work that way. The road atlas had not taken into account the Suzy Factor.

First: Somewhere in Tennessee, failed to realize that I-75 going south had sneaked off to the right until I had already passed the exit. It’s quite difficult for the car and map challenged to both drive and read the signs. Eventually I realized that I had missed the exit, and got off the interstate. I ended up in the saddest town I had ever seen. It was nothing but moribund or dead businesses in decaying buildings. I couldn’t find anyone to ask for directions and began to get a panicky, Twilight Zone feeling (“little did Suzy realize that she was the only person alive for miles”). I finally came across a restaurant and got directions. I can’t describe the 55 cent hamburgers, other to say the look and smell of the tiny greasebombs was unforgettable. The waitress was very nice and called me “sweetheart”, which I love. Noticed that the clientele was very polite and all said “‘I appreciate it”, which was quite charming.

Note to self: should have called Aim for directions and then gone to her and Josh’s place to meet the adorable Elle. What was I thinking?!

Anyway, eventually got back on the highway.

Second: After dark, got lost somewhere outside Macon, Georgia. This was especially remarkable, considering that I only made three right turns and then couldn’t find my way back. I was quite dazzled by the beautiful mansions on the first street, but after two more turns, found myself in a much scarier part of town. The convenience store on the corner was the only thing open, so I bravely went in to ask directions. Everyone stared at me as I entered, and I realized that I was the only girl and the only white person there. I went and got a bottle of water and joined the line to pay for it. There were four elderly African American gentlemen ahead of me in line, and one by one, they all told me to go to the head of the line. I thanked them, and as one, they all nodded and looked at their feet.