Jan 05 2005
How to Get Nowhere
– Wake up early (ick) to get to airport on time.
– Get to airport on time, despite cab driver’s insistence on taking the stupid (read: long) way.
– Wait in very long line to check in.
– At check in, you are informed that the flight is delayed by at least two hours, maybe more, meaning that you will definitely miss your connecting flight. Agent changes your reservation to another airline which has a non-stop flight. Non-stop flight leaves in around 4 hours, but is the only game in town.
– Get to Security, where your bags are searched with the kind of avidity dogs apply to steak. You begin to feel guilty of something as they start running a little brush thing over your lap top and bag. People start looking at you like you’re a criminal.
– If they keep looking, they will get to see a female security agent totally feeling me up. My boobs haven’t been examined this thoroughly since my last mammogram. As the feelfest proceeds, I wonder if I could request a hot male security guard to perform this particular function. Remember that there are no hot male security guards, and if they were, the hideous nylon uniform would cancel it out anyway.
– Apparently my tits are satisfactory, so I am released. After 4 hours, report to gate only to be informed that my reservation is not in their computer and the flight is:
a. Oversold
2. The last one of the day.
– I should get a prize for not throwing a great big noisy fuss. I just tell them I’m going home. The agent looks astonished. I repeat the simple statement. She says I have to be escorted out, which seems like exactly the kind of thing that would happen to a girl who had all her baggage and boobage searched. I bet the people who caught the earlier show were nudging each other and saying, “I knew she was no good”. They’re not wrong.
– Get cab home.
Distance travelled: To the airport and back
Time elapsed: 8+ hours
Mental state: I think you know.
9 Responses to “”
Oh.My.GOD, I would have flipped OUT. That is perhaps one of the most horrible airport stories I’ve ever heard (and I’ve heard some good ones from Brian!) Ugh!!!
I owe you an email so I’ll talk to you soon.
Sounds like you handled it much better than I would have. You should have been there when I missed my train in Paris (by about 10 seconds). It wasn’t pretty.
When I arrived at Heathrow I was not checked but a woman in front of me was. I jokingly asked the male security guard whether he would like to frisk me. His was not amused. I shut the hell up and hurried away lest he decide I was a security threat (threatning to make the Brits laugh) *wink*
That had to be the most freaking horrific day spent at an airport. I trust you opened a bottle of wine when you got home.
My God, I would have been very bitter indeed. I hope you got some sort of compensation.
My last security pass was pretty funny. I had the bag swab test done on everything I was holding too, and they went through my hair with sticks (I have a lot of hair, it wasn’t pleasant) made me remove my hair clip, made me take off my shoes, sit on a chair and then they scanned my feet (not my SHOES, my FEET – serioiusly, what would I hide within the depths of my toes? They also didn’t appreciate my response of “Really? Are you for real?” when they asked me to lift my feet in the air), and then proceeded to take everything out of my purse and scrutinize it, dropping all my coins on the floor. The lady behind in line was howling, which made the whole experience a lot less stressful and annoyed all the guards to no end.
My boobs were left alone. You poor thing!
That blows. I’ve had days sucked into the time vortex known as airport fuckups but your experience was pretty awful. Good for you for handling it so well, I’m sure the gate agents appreciated it (especially since it wasn’t their fault and there wasn’t anything they could do).
Bless your patient soul. Just having returned from a trip to and from Texas, I feel your pain. We had some crappy experiences, but this takes the cake. You should indeed be rewarded for remaining calm.
Thanks, guys. I think I stayed calm because I couldn’t believe it was really happening. A bottle of wine when I got home definitely helped.
I’m hoping not to fly for another month or so!
Then again….. if you WILL call your blog C’est La Bombe what can you expect?
Seriously, you had every right to be livid. Award yourself another bottle of wine and the title Serene Suzy 🙂