Jan 02 2004
Scarface
Mom has finally been removed from Intensive Care and is now in the general hospital population. So she’s still in the hospital, but it’s, relatively speaking, hospital lite. Still hospital, though. And we’re still on the rollercoaster. Once you get on this ride, you can never get off, it seems.
While the black eye and carpet burn I gave myself for my very own Christmas concussion are fading, I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a rakish scar above my left eyebrow*.
The real story of how I got it just isn’t amusing enough for me, and I know I will be asked by those not in possession of the dull facts how I allowed such a thing to happen, and I want to be prepared with an entertaining anecdote. So I’m asking you for ideas for a better story. So far, I like my nephew’s suggestion:
“If I told you how I got it, I’d have to kill you.”
But as usual, I want more. So lay it on me!
*No waxing or facials for a while for the gravity-challenged, I guess, no matter how badly they are needed. Maybe lower grooming standards are de rigueur among the trailer trash set anyway.
10 Responses to “Scarface”
You were auditioning for the female version of the Village People and the strong lights shining in your eyes caused you to fall off your platform shoes.
“How was I to know that when I told everyone I was going out for a run and emphasised the word RUN, that there would be a stampede in the house?”
“How was I to know that the Supergirl outfit John gave me for Christmas was not intended for flying. It should have come with a warning label”.
“What cut and black eye?”
I got it in a bare-knuckled fist fight with John over the last stubbie in the ice box.
“Just 10 minutes before I was due to go to an important interview, I sat in the fireplace to open a new pair of pantyhose. That darned packaging is so tight! I pulled and I pulled until eventually it opened but in doing so I thwacked my elbow against the bare brick wall (splintering the elbow); as I pulled my elbow back to check for damage I lost my balance and fell onto the sharp edge of the coal scuttle, causing a nasty cut above my left eye. At that point the doorbell rang so I picked myself up, stopping to quickly check the damage in the mirror above the mantel. Unfortunately I failed to notice that coal had spilled out of the aforementioned scuttle so it was inevitable that I would twist my ankle and slip awkwardly onto the gleaming polished floors…”
Not that this has EVER happened to me you understand…
The first rule of Fight Club is…
While sliding into home plate, after clearing the bases with a bottom of the ninth triple, my face hit the bag. The impact, although creating a massive whip lash to my neck and upper vertabrae, caused the rest of my body to whip around and slam into the catcher’s arm as he attempted….vainly…. to connect with my body to save the game with a spectacular out.
He was denied!!
GIANTS WIN THE SERIES!!!
SPORTY SUZY SAVES THE DAY!!!
YAAAAYY!!!!!!!
I’m going to use them all!
I got some magic bandaids that are supposed to reduce the scarring. So hopefully I’ll be less scarry (or less scary)!
We hope she gets well soon and have a happy new year 🙂