Nov 06 2003
The Dr. Is Out
I might need a therapist to recover from my therapists. If so, it’s going to be a woman, and a straight one.
Before you start yelling homophobe at me, I would remind you that I live in what may well be the gayest city in the world, and ask you to read my (mis)adventures in therapy first. If you still think I’m gay-averse after that, let me have it. I promise not to say, “some of my best friends are gay.” Deal?
Therapist One chose the week before I was slated to go to London for the first time after Dad’s death (not counting the trip immediately after his death), when he knew I was scheduled to clear out Dad’s things and visit his friends and generally be immersed in the horror of being Dadless in Dad’s house, to break up with me on the phone because he had a crush on me. Shouldn’t he have told me in person, at least, and not on the phone? And couldn’t he have held it in for just one more week and told me after I got back? Unbelievable. I was so shocked that I didn’t say much while he was on the phone, and then it seemed stupid to call him back and rant about it, so that was it. PS: Guy is married and has kids.
After a couple of months, I overcame my native slothfulness enough to find another therapist. Last week, I informed Therapist Two that my benefits run out at the end of the month. He took the opportunity to hug me and tell me that I should fire him as my therapist (well, he’s right about that, anyway) and he’d take me out to drink champagne and we could be “friends”. In the course of the hug, his fingers touched my back (the actual skin! Ick). I was horrified and fled. PS: Guy is married and, yeah, has kids.
A couple of days later, he called me on my cell phone and said, “I just wanted to make sure you weren’t too freaked out by what happened last time I saw you.” We still have our standing appointment this week, and I am planning to confront him at it, so I said, “We’ll talk about it when I see you. I have to go now.” There was no way I was letting him off the hook or excusing him or anything like that. And it just shows he knows what he did was wrong.
The thing that kills me is that my first reaction was, “Is there something about me that makes this kind of thing happen?” I can’t believe that I was blaming myself for the actions of these two guys, who are: medical professionals and know most of my horrible secrets, thoughts, and feelings. My trainer thinks these guys must have skipped all the ethics classes in their 10+ years at school, and the whole fiasco is an exercise in ego and power. I think she’ll be my therapist from now on.
9 Responses to “The Dr. Is Out”
I don’t blame you for upping your standards in seeking a new therapist. Sorry you had to go through a couple of creepy therapists. I hope the third one will not freak you out. Maybe those therapists needs to see therapists, too.
At least the first one didn’t touch you. Ew. I think he deserves to be reported to his professional organization. I’m assuming Therapists have a professional organization, if they don’t, they should!
I’d go with a straight-woman too.
I have never been to a therapist but from your experience I definitely would also go for a straight woman. Anyway, nothing like a woman to understand woman’s emotional needs.
My first therapist told me that she wanted to council me using the bible as a guide – gotta love the south. One appointment and I was through.
My second therapist was a lesbian woman – but her sexuality was never an issue – she was an amazing therapist and I miss her so much. She moved to Florida for a much nicer job in Miami. My new therapist is well, I don’t know. I have seen her once and I had to cancell my second appointment and now she can’t fit me in untill December!!??!! But we shall see how it goes with this one. I wish Dr. Melfi was real – and lived in Nashville – heh.
What two terrible experiences you’ve gone through, good lord and these people are supposed to be the ones we go to for help? I hope the third one you find is a keeper, it must get discouraging.
You left a comment on my site, that is how I found you here. I love your site, there is so much to read and catch up on. My site was first done by both my husband and I too. He went through a time when he was too busy to post so I ended up doing it. Over time, I kept it and he started his own.
I’ll be back again to catch up on all your links! Great site!
Grar. Unfaithful perverts.
Gah! That’s awful.
If you can stand the thought, you might consider reporting them to their respective professional associations.
Dear God!!! I would definitely find a woman therapist. I loved mine, but with my man issues, I wouldn’t have gone near a male therapist.
On a most serious note (you may never see this from me again), for the psychological safety of others you have a responsibility to report these psychologists (or whatever professional title they have) to your local professional association. I work in the medical professions and under no, I repeat NO, circumstances is this acceptable behavior from a professional.