Nov 05 2003
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
So my trainer told me that she made the mistake of asking her boyfriend – they recently moved in together – how many women he had slept with. She was horrified by the total, which included 13 girls before he graduated from high school. I don’t think I know anybody who got that much action in high school, and I found that the most remarkable part of the revelation, though clearly she didn’t.
I said that it was a long time ago, before he knew her, and that all the people he had met and things he had done made him the person he is today, the person she loves, which made her feel a little better. But inside I was thinking, “Thirteen?!”
It made me realize that there is no good answer to that question. If the number is low, the guy is a loser, and if it’s too high, he’s a dog and possibly a walking lab experiment.
It also made me realize yet another fundamental difference between men and women. We always want to know about their romantic and sexual pasts, and not just for our health. We have a Pandora style curiosity that we just can’t help, sometimes with similar consequences, though on a lesser scale, witness my trainer. She would have been much better off not knowing, but had to ask. I have done the same thing with comparable results, but I’m sorry to say would probably ask that question again, even though you’d think I’d know better by now.
If you do ask, rest assured that the guy will not ask you the same question. As much as we want to know, they don’t want to know. They don’t want to think about you with any other guy, even if it was years ago and way before you met them. In the back of their minds, I think they all want really experienced virgins. And if they did ask you, you couldn’t tell them anyway. I personally have no idea what the number is, though I’m pretty sure I didn’t sleep with 13 guys in high school. An informal survey of my friends reveals that men do know what the number is, and women don’t. Some of the guys said that they had actually made a list at one time or another, which I immediately found icky, though I’m not sure exactly why.
I guess the lesson here (if there is one) is: don’t ask, don’t tell. If you can help it.
7 Responses to “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”
I agree with the don’t ask, don’t tell. Besides, if I suddenly started a tally, the only person on it would be Steve because in my mind, he’s the only one that counts.
I can say with confidence that I certainly didn’t sleep with 13 guys in high school! There were that many girls willing to give it up?!
Since I was able to say Sweet Seventeen and never been kissed and pretty much got through high school kissing only one guy, I can’t even begin to fathom 13 in high school! I did know a girl in college who knew exactly. The rest of us were appalled since we most definitely didn’t even have a list.
Have you ever seen the movie Four Weddings and a Funeral with Andi MacDowell and Hugh Grant? There is a scene in a cafe in which she goes through her multitude of sexual conquests – it’s rather humorous. But anyhow, I asked. I was told and then it took a long time not to think about it. I’m for “don’t ask, don’t tell”
Hahahaha. I’d never tell. But Brian wouldn’t ask. It’s nobody’s damn business. He just knows that I had two serious long-term relationships, and that I only slept with one guy throughout high school. I was a very good girl. At least until I graduated. 🙂
I don’t tell, but I certainly do not want a virgin in my bed. One GF had had 22 lovers, while other was quite active.
Jealousy, or envy at their lack of morals?
I would ask and I would like to know – not that his sexual experiences would bother me but AIDS is a huge fear factor and though he may not be HIV, one of his partners may unknowingly have been with someone who was – which he would be unaware of. To me it would also be an indicator as to how faithful he would be to me in our relationship.
I’m with you on this one, thirteen is huge. I don’t think I’ve even KISSED thirteen different people in my life.
I guess perhaps that makes me pathetic. heh