Suzy Says

The comments on airport security on last Thursday’s post, together with taking Mom to the airport on Saturday, made me think about the security (or lack of it) that I have encountered both pre- and post-9/11.

When I went to my mother’s place at the last minute in June this year, I set off the metal detectors both coming and going, and had to remove my shoes for examination both times, too. And that has been the most airport security I have encountered in this post-9/11 world, and it was for a flight within California. It does seem less likely to me that something would happen on a flight that’s barely more than an hour long within the same state than one going across the country or overseas, but then, I don’t think terrorists are known for logic.

I arrived at Heathrow on the first anniversary of 9/11, and although they asked me more questions at Customs than they do customarily, no-one searched my bags or anything. Some of the questions seemed really out of left field to me, like how long had I worked at my job and did I have family back in California, but then, I was 1. Completely hung over; 2. Completely lacking a night’s sleep; 3. Completely worn out from a scary 11 hour flight; 4. Completely emotional at the prospect of clearing out Dad’s things and being in his house, so pretty much everything seemed weird to me at that point.

Heathrow is the only place I have ever had my bags searched, and both occasions were long before 9/11. Once I was coming back from Russia, and they took every single thing out of my bag and looked at it. If you haven’t ever had your bag searched, be warned: they take things out, but they never put them back in. Instead, they leave your stuff all over the place, so you somehow have to fit it back in, which for some reason is harder than re-folding a map correctly and takes twice as long as packing it in the first place.

The other time, I was coming back from a long weekend in Amsterdam. They not only looked through everything – including opening a box of face powder and sifting through it and dismembering a tampon – but asked lots of questions, like “Where were you staying, who were you staying with, how did you meet them”, etc. I omitted to mention that I had been staying in the Red Light District, which was true, because that’s where my friend Alice and her husband live, but I answered everything else truthfully and without comment. These guys did not seem to have a sense of humor and I felt that I was teetering on the brink of being strip-searched, so I tried to play nice. I swear it took about an hour for them to do all this, and in the meantime, people were walking by looking at me like, “I wonder what she did?” And the thing is, I actually began to feel guilty. Eventually they let me go. I guess I just look like a drug dealer.

They take away a baby’s Winnie the Pooh fork and plastic hairclips and nail files, and now even in business class you have plastic forks, though I bet you could kill someone with plastic tableware if you really wanted to. Just ask any prisoner. I think George Carlin is right, and airport security is all an illusion. You just have to decide if you want to take the chance. I’ll leave the last word on the subject to George:

“Airport security is a stupid idea. It’s a waste of money and it’s there for only one reason: to make white people feel safe. That’s all it’s for. To provide a feeling, an illusion, of safety in order to placate the middle class. The authorities know they can’t make airplanes safe; too many people have access. You’ll notice that drug smugglers don’t seem to have a lot of trouble getting their little packages on board, do they? No. And God bless them, too.

As far as I’m concerned, all of this airport security — the cameras, the questions, the screening, the searches — is just one more way of reducing your liberty and reminding you that they can fuck with you any time they want, as long as you’re willing to put up with it. Which means, of course, any time they want. Because that’s the way Americans are now. They’re always willing to trade away a little of their freedom for the feeling, the illusion–of security.”