Suzy Says

Maybe I am just overly sensitive about advertising these days, but I really think movie theaters are no place for commercials. Trailers for upcoming movies — fine; even the dancing concession food ads (though I will never understand the whole concept of food that wants to be eaten) make sense, since that’s what actually makes money for the theaters, not the movies themselves. Also the usual “Let’s all go to the lobby” one is blessedly short. But yesterday, when Rufus and I went to see “Hearts in Atlantis” at the nice old neighborhood movie theater, there was an ad before the trailers for…courtesy.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for courtesy and think the world a far too impolite place most of the time. But: 1. I hate ads for things you can’t buy (like politeness) or things in a sweeping generality (cotton, the fabric of your life). What is the point of these? Does anyone know?

2. The courtesy example they gave had a guy carrying a bunch of stuff opening a door for an older woman who was also carrying stuff, but less than he had. In doing so, he dropped his stuff. This has nothing to do with anything that ever happens at the movies, since patrons rarely, if ever, show up with more bags and boxes than they can comfortably tote around, and essentially it suggested to me that the guy really got nothing out of opening the door since he dropped his stuff and looked stupid. Surely they could have come up with a better example, like a guy actually giving up his seat on a crowded bus to an older or pregnant woman. This happens all too rarely, and I have often been the one who gives up my seat while the men just sit there.

3. I don’t go to the movies to be chided. I have paid for my ticket, bought really expensive popcorn, etc., in the vain hope of helping to keep the one independent theater in my neighborhood operating in the face of the ever-encroaching mondo-plexes, and what I am really looking for is diversion and amusement, not moral lessons. Also I think I’m pretty damn courteous anyway.

So lay off the commercials at the movies and just let us watch the show. And while you’re at it, try not to make trailers that are longer than, say, 2 minutes, show everything that happens in the whole movie and/or important plot points. Pretty please?