Suzy Says

Cat Update:

Business as usual when I got home. Everybody went nuts, playing and chasing each other. Hannah couldn?t get enough of me (she really does have good taste) and kept rubbing against me for attention. Jack started ringing the dinner bell at 3:30, which is exactly one hour early. I watched the tube after dinner* with everyone dozing on the bed? which means that by 8:30 when I was trying to get to sleep Jack and Hannah were flying through the air like bullets in a war zone. They seemed pretty bummed when I got ready for work this morning? I guess getting only half the attention they are used to means they want me around twice as long. And I have to agree with them. If I won the lottery, I could become one of those crazy hermits who stay inside day and night with a bunch of cats. Oh well, I can dream, I guess. (* 2 Taco Bell Baja Chicken Burritos, which gets you a free soda, all for four bucks and a dime. I?m Batchin? it baby!)

Things That Still Piss Me Off After All These Years #201:

Yunno, that whole Madonna/Marilyn comparison we were hearing about in the 80?s was such bullshit. Remember, after she did the Material Girl video spoofing Marilyn in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, how everyone (even her) was saying shit like, ?It?s almost like she is Marilyn Monroe reincarnated.? Crap! Heaps of it!

Women Are Strange #98:

Yeah, women are strange, but so are the men who find them disturbing, if this posting from Insectnet.com is anything to go by.

Posted by Erick Ayilla on June 11, 2001 at 02:57:52:

: The most CRAZY & THIEF WOMAN Known as AGNES SOLON . She is the head of THIEF`S of Insect Dealers from around the WORLD. Get the whole story from ; “”philippe.oremans@swing.be”” Philipie Oremans.,of Belgium, and , “”ldc.peroni@wanadoo.fr”Jean Paul of FRANCE. from there you will judge whois the thief. I still demand from Her more than 1200$. and she refused to pay me ,claiming that the beetles I sent to her did not lie Eggs!!!!!t!!!!! AGNES SOLON IS A THIEF WOMAN AND SHE DONT PAY MONEY IF YOU SEND HER BEETLES!!! Her address is bluebeetle2@hotmail.com “” BE AWARE WITH HER “” DONT SEND ANYTHING TO HER>!!!!

Random Notes:

Yesterday- So, on the bus on the way home there was this loud-mouthed scuzzy white-fuck wigger who looked like the exhumed corpse of a beatnik interred at about the time Jack Kerouc hit the road, and he was bellowing and sucking brew out of a brown paper bag insulated can and spitting lungers the size of dinner plates out the window? and beside him was what looked like one of those Incan mummies, until it moved and crowed laughter at something he said. It was his wife. And across the aisle from them was their kid? a foster kid, I?m assuming, since the kid actually looked normal, and once or twice the guy said something about being a guardian. Jesus. What a role model this kid has. I mean, exactly how spectacularly unsuitable do you have to be before you are turned down as a foster parent?

Today- In my job I have the near unbearable displeasure of having to talk to brokers, who are basically salespeople, and as we all know, anyone in sales is to be detested. Anyhow, this one woman at Lehman Brothers I call every morning for 15 seconds to get an interest rate from, is a hyperbitch. Man, she must have her bed pushed up against the wall, forcing her to always get out on the wrong side, because whenever I call she snaps and snarls like she grabbed her pepper spray instead of her economy-size canister of feminine hygiene spray and gave herself a couple of hot shots. What a bitch! I try to cultivate a good phone relationship with the people I talk to every day, and every one of them is pleasant except for this nasty twat. Snarly, raw-voiced, short-tempered, humorless cow!

Final Question

Why aren’t blueberries called purpleberries? I mean, they aren’t blue, they’re purple! Hmmm. Maybe in the olden days, the proper name would have sounded more like a disease.

Olden Days Guy #1, Going Down The Road: Greetings, Farmer Edmund. Why are you walking crooked and bent like that?

Olden Days Guy #2, Coming Down The Road: Ah, my good man, I am bent by the weight of my swollen sack. I have purpleberries!

Olden Days Guy #1, Going Down The Road: Perhaps you should stay on that side of the road then, kind sir!

-Rufus