May 19 2010
Eviction Notice
Repeat Offender
Dear Rain,
I only use the word “dear” as a formality, since it is well-known to both of us that I do not like you, Sam I Am. Not in the day. Not at night. Not in the woods. Not leaking through my roof.
I would like to remind you that your term is long since up. You should have left at the end of March. I might have made an exception for late departure into the first week of April, but that would have extended my goodwill toward you to its outmost limit, and you might want to keep a favor in your back pocket for a rainy day. Know what I’m saying here, oh damp one?
300% of normal rainfall in April is not funny, even if you think it is.
How can I miss you when you won’t go away? You can blame it on Mother—- Nature, you can blame it on El Nino, both of whom have wicked senses of humor, if you can call it that, and neither of whom have the slightest compunction in ruining humans’ lives, preferably in a spectacular and semi-permanent manner.
In the words of the old song – and there’s a reason these things become cliches – rain, rain, go away. Now.
Very, very sincerely,
The sodden remains of Suzy