Crazy Cat


The one and only Buddy

They say cats are nocturnal creatures, but mine aren’t afraid to bend the rules. Or break them completely.

Audrey and June seem to be at their most annoyingly active in the early morning hours, say, between two and five. The hours that fill you with despair should you have the misfortune of being awake to observe them, gloomily considering the work day ahead, that week’s errands, the meaning of life, and why people on TV shows always have the lights on in broad daylight.

June was the star of last night’s matinĂ©e, waking me up at 4:30 by biting my toes. I think I’ve mentioned June’s chewing affliction before – she has an unfortunate habit of chewing on really hard things, like CD cases and cast iron, with her tiny little teeth. I envision them shattering in a hail of vet bills.

Needless to say, after a rude awakening like that, a girl is awake, at least temporarily. I turned on the light and started reading the witty Personal Days, trying not to think about how soon it would be before I’d have to get up and feign productivity and adulthood.

June availed herself of the light to go behind the TV, climb up on the DVD player, and start merrily gnawing away at the plastic case of my 77 Sunset Strip DVDs. I yelled at her, and she looked up briefly before resuming the task at hand. Sighing, I got out of bed and went over to remove her from the forbidden area. I had hardly found my place in the book again before I heard the distinctive sound of plastic mastication. This time, I both yelled and got up at the same time. June fled the room, and for about the millionth time I thought how convenient it would be if my bedroom door actually closed – and stayed closed.

Thinking that June had finally gotten it out of her system, I returned to my reading. After half an hour or so, she came up on the bed and planted herself on the pillows. I thought this was nice. It reminded me of my very first cat, Buddy (see above), who used to sleep on my pillow every night. I’d say, “Sleep time,” and he’d come padding majestically down the hall and jump onto my pillow. I’d fall asleep to his grumbly purr, and when I woke up in the night, as I always do, I’d go back to sleep much faster, listening to his purr and feeling his thick, soft fur.

The happy, fuzzy Buddy feeling was not to last, though, since June’s purpose was to start chewing on the metal blinds, while clanking them against the windows directly behind me. Arrggh!!

All this time, Audrey was sitting placidly on the bed beside me. Her only contribution to the “Let’s drive Suzy crazy” initiative was to pin down the blankets so I couldn’t actually cover my entire body against the foggy, early-morning chill.

I looked the the alarm clock. Is 5:30 too early to get up?