What I did on my blog vacation

Hi there! I’ve missed you, too!

I’m sorry to say that I wasn’t lounging by the pool with an umbrella cocktail in my hand, or being the toast of the Cannes Film Festival, or off on a quick trip to Tahiti.

I was being audited.

Well, not me – my firm. But since I’m a partner, I figured I’d be Lucy to the auditors’ Ricky, with lots of ‘splaining to do.

First of all, auditors* like to start early, so I had to be on BART at the rushiest part of rush hour, with all the other suburban losers. We were jammed in there like a Japanese subway. Is that your briefcase, or are you just happy to see me?

The auditors were humor-free, as you would expect, and it was unnerving to have someone writing down everything I said. Sure, it’s worth hanging on my every word, but writing it down? One of my few talents is reading upside down, so I kept sneaking peeks and hoping I wouldn’t get caught.

They wrapped up the day-long session by asking for approximately a zillion more documents. They’ll be coming back on Monday to inspect them and probably ask more questions. If they have enough fun, they might even stay until Tuesday!

When I told our handsome receptionist that we’d need the conference room all day Monday and Tuesday, he started laughing. I asked him why, and he said, “You should have seen your face when you said they were coming back.”

The whole thing was so unnerving that I hadn’t eaten all day, and so exhausting that even the thought of heating up leftover pizza for dinner was out of the question. I fed the cats, drank two martinis, and went to bed.

Note: My boss/partner was there, too. Neither of us enjoyed it.

*My first job after college was as a receptionist at CDIC. I was placing a call to the Auditor General on behalf of the Chairman, and asked their receptionist for “the auditor genital”. Fortunately, she laughed, and the Auditor didn’t hear my gaffe.

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4 comments on “What I did on my blog vacation

  1. Joy F

    Didn’t you say you had a ‘ partner ‘ ????? sounds as though you are carrying the whole load here…… Just a observation. He seems to be a very silent partner.


  2. suzy

    Sorry, he was there, too. But everything is always about me! 🙂

  3. Colin

    I wonder why they’re always humorless! Haha, just because you’re scrutinizing, auditing, investigating, and putting people on pins and needles doesn’t mean you can’t lighten up a bit, does it!?

  4. Guy

    Well, so Monday will come and go just like any other day and you will live to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Joy is right, if you have a partner, let him join in the pleasures, never take all responsibilities for such a heavy load.

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