May 14 2009
What I did on my blog vacation
Hi there! I’ve missed you, too!
I’m sorry to say that I wasn’t lounging by the pool with an umbrella cocktail in my hand, or being the toast of the Cannes Film Festival, or off on a quick trip to Tahiti.
I was being audited.
Well, not me – my firm. But since I’m a partner, I figured I’d be Lucy to the auditors’ Ricky, with lots of ‘splaining to do.
First of all, auditors* like to start early, so I had to be on BART at the rushiest part of rush hour, with all the other suburban losers. We were jammed in there like a Japanese subway. Is that your briefcase, or are you just happy to see me?
The auditors were humor-free, as you would expect, and it was unnerving to have someone writing down everything I said. Sure, it’s worth hanging on my every word, but writing it down? One of my few talents is reading upside down, so I kept sneaking peeks and hoping I wouldn’t get caught.
They wrapped up the day-long session by asking for approximately a zillion more documents. They’ll be coming back on Monday to inspect them and probably ask more questions. If they have enough fun, they might even stay until Tuesday!
When I told our handsome receptionist that we’d need the conference room all day Monday and Tuesday, he started laughing. I asked him why, and he said, “You should have seen your face when you said they were coming back.”
The whole thing was so unnerving that I hadn’t eaten all day, and so exhausting that even the thought of heating up leftover pizza for dinner was out of the question. I fed the cats, drank two martinis, and went to bed.
Note: My boss/partner was there, too. Neither of us enjoyed it.
*My first job after college was as a receptionist at CDIC. I was placing a call to the Auditor General on behalf of the Chairman, and asked their receptionist for “the auditor genital”. Fortunately, she laughed, and the Auditor didn’t hear my gaffe.