May 14 2006
Mom Musings
My mother had this way of knowing when something was wrong. Seriously. I’d answer the phone, just say, “Hello”, and she’d ask right away, “What’s wrong?”
Sometimes I’d try and prevaricate, if I was busy or didn’t want to get into it, but she wouldn’t give up until I told her.
Last night, I dreamed that Mom and I were at the horribly named but beautifully equipped PetCo Park in San Diego, near where she used to live. Since it was dream world, it was irrelevant that Mom didn’t like baseball, and that neither of us had ever been to PetCo Park (except in our dreams).
So Mom and I were watching the Padres and she was giving me the “What’s wrong?” thing and I was trying to get out of it. Finally, I told her all the stuff that was on my mind lately, from wanting to get off the medication (and being told to take more and see a shrink again) to what a lousy daughter I’d been and that’s why I’m never going to have kids.
She put her arm around me and said, “We can’t change the past or control the future. All we have is the present. So live in it and be happy.”
Even though it was a dream, it really moved me, and I’ve been thinking about Mom, the real one and the dream one, all day.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.