Suzy Says

Today: Caf&eacute Suz&eacute Perv&eacute (this is when I have leftover coffee and reheat it the next day, to my sister’s utter horror. But the coffee, like me, has, if anything, gained in strength overnight and is really perfectly good. Now I just don’t tell my sis about my secret vice so she can continue to adore me, because I really need it and it gives her something to do when she’s not driving an ambulance or saving lives) and a handful of Cap’n Crunch, straight out of the box. No milk, because I consider that to be a particularly noxious hazard waste product. The horrifying taste! The horrifying slime it leaves on the tongues of those foolish or unwitting enough to consume it….

~faint!~

~blink!~

Where was I? Oh, yes. Cap’n Crunch, on the other hand, is as delightful as I recall it from the last time I had it, many years ago. Still crunchy (as the name suggests), to the point of exfoliating the roof of your mouth, just as it did in days of old, and still sweet. Perfect.

This is a rarity in my experience. Many things I remember as being delightful when I was a child are not at all when I try them again as a faux adult (I mean, really: a girl of 20-22 eating cereal from the box is hardly an actual, responsible adult). Maybe the products have changed, or my taste has veered from the childlike to the edge of sophistication. Of course, when you’re a kid, you can and do eat Easter candy, including the truly frightening friandise known as marshmallow Peeps, first thing in the morning.

So, in answer to fabulous Michelle’s question: I think Healthy Suzy has left the building, possibly as thoroughly as Elvis. You may hear of alleged HS sightings (Nibbling wheat germ at a sidewalk caf&eacute in Paris! Racing a camel in Cairo! Climbing the Great Wall of China! Actually at the gym!), but I urge you to take these, like Elvis sightings, with a grain of salt, preferably fleur de sel. Now, if you hear that Elvis and Healthy Suzy have been seen together somewhere, with HS explaining to Elvis why fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches are not in fact a good idea, with visual aids such as enormous, tent-like sequined jumpsuits, throw away the salt (over your left shoulder, just in case) and BELIEVE.