Apr 16 2003

Gross. Period.

Published by at 7:02 am under Uncategorized

Fair warning: the following entry contains graphic girl content. Guys, go away and do something else right now, especially if you harbor any illusions that girls are delicate, dainty creatures who don’t swear, think evil thoughts, or have any of the same bodily functions you do. I’m afraid we do, and then some.

Now that the faint of heart are gone, I am just going to say that I can’t wait for menopause. My stepmother’s daughter got it at the age of 47 and is thrilled. Not only is the threat of pregnancy removed once and for all, but she feels great all the time, instead of approximately two weeks out of every month like those of us who are pre-menopausal and post-pubescent. You’re either getting ready for the horror, enduring the horror, or recovering from it, and that leaves, as previously noted, about two weeks of feeling good before it starts all over again.

Faithful readers know that I wonder about whether there is a God, or some kind of higher power. I really don’t know, but for the past few days, I have leaned heavily to the side that if there is in fact a God, it has to be a man or man-like being, because no female would have set things up this way for her sisters. The process is so gross and disgusting and painful. Yes, I realize it’s a natural function, but if you think about natural functions, you realize that they are pretty much all gross and disgusting, if not painful, which is why most of us choose to endure them in privacy. In other words, their naturalness does not exclude them from being icky. And despite what TV commercials would have you believe, the whole thing has nothing to do whatever with doves or butterflies or flowers. Imagine if the commercials even bordered on accuracy. {shudder}

This month’s installment has been particularly hard for me to endure. Usually, this magically cures the worst of it (after all, the plant would hardly be named that if it didn’t do that), but this time, the symptoms merely laughed and resumed their beating. They kept me up at night, laughing evilly at my weak attempts to dislodge their hold on me. Finally, I went home yesterday and applied vodka and vicodin until they were the ones beaten into submission. Better living through chemistry, indeed. But shouldn’t we have evolved past this kind of thing by now? Shouldn’t there be a better system? It really must be a man’s world after all.

pixelstats trackingpixel

3 responses so far

3 Responses to “Gross. Period.”

  1. Amberon 16 Apr 2003 at 9:08 am

    There SHOULD be a better system. Honestly, we can fly to the moon and cure all sorts of disease…

    I hope you feel better soon!

  2. Pascale Soleilon 17 Apr 2003 at 8:57 pm

    Ah, my sister!

    I don’t know whether you saw my rant on the subject awhile back on Blogsisters (can’t find the URL). Very unPC of me, but after 30 odd years of bleeding every month I just couldn’t hold back my frustration any longer.

  3. Kathleenon 21 Apr 2003 at 5:20 pm

    I’m so with you on this, Suzy. I’ve said for years that there is no way in hell that God is female for this exact reason!!! You rock, sister friend!