Blind Ambition

Of all the problems I anticipated having while Mom’s dog was our non-paying holiday guest, the one that really is one is not one I even imagined (and how’s that for a convoluted sentence?).

I knew the endless walking in the endless rain would be an endless pain in the ass, and so it was. I knew that picking up dog poo from the rain-soaked street would also not be my favorite activity ever. I expected that the whiny loser who lives downstairs from us would bitch about her presence (he did; I apologized). I expected that she would scare passers-by and/or get into it with other dogs, and that also happened, though not to a lawsuit extent.

I was mostly worried that she would harass and even hurt our cats, not because she’s bad or mean, but because she is woefully untrained. I discovered that Mom’s approach to dogs is pretty much the same as it was to her kids: either yelling at you or hugging you, for no known reason and no possible prediction of which you’ll get. So you end up with someone who is, uh, challenging to live with (just ask John).

Taking all this into account, we decided that the best thing was to shut the cats in the bedroom while we were at work, giving the guests free reign. They all seemed to be getting along pretty well on the weekends when we were there to observe and police if necessary, so we decided to leave the bedroom door open while we were out for a couple of hours on New Year’s Day.

Big, as Ah-nuld would say, mistake.

We got home to discover the afore-mentioned and completely unanticipated problem. All cats were present and accounted for and unchewed, but the dog had chewed a big hole in the custom-made fabric blind in the bedroom, the one we had to get after the whiny loser downstairs “trimmed” the tree outside said bedroom window so that no fewer than seven windows had a stunning and unobstructed view into our bedroom. I’m shameless, but not that shameless, so we got one of those blinds that lower from the top, preserving our modesty while allowing us to enjoy what remained of the tree.

But now, there’s a huge peephole in the blind, which will have to be replaced ASAP. To be fair, we were aware that the dog had a penchant for blind-chewing, given that she had chewed the metal blinds in the living room the first week she was here. But those came with the apartment and I’m less worried about people looking into our living room than our bedroom, oddly enough. I figured I could just sell the twisted living room blinds on eBay as a sculpture by a hot young Southern California artist (which is sort of true) and see how much I could get for them.

Suzy’s new mantra: only ten days left. Only ten days left.

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8 comments on “Blind Ambition

  1. Amber

    oh.my.god. I’d be outright furious. Even if it were my own loveable pets (who seem to be allowed to get away with just about everything in my eyes). I’m so sorry Suzy!

  2. Babs

    Chewed Blinds is why we’re getting fish.

  3. Karan

    Naughty dog….no manners….equal big problems. Board him until an hour before your mom gets back…or if I understand John’s post correctly, you’ll return the dog in a bronze urn.

  4. LisaB

    Oy, dogs sure can be troublesome. Ten days is a looooooong time. Good luck!

  5. Kelly

    Oh dear. Clearly, I am the one with a problem because there is a big part of me that wants to say, “awww, the little doggie wanted to see outside.”

    Dogs do have excellent taste in the things they destroy — at least our two do. Smelly sneakers? Hardly. Try a pair of Italian heels that cost nearly a month’s rent a few years back. Ouch!

  6. C.

    chewed blinds? that’s a new one for me.

    our dogs chewed shoes and slippers, underwear, kleenex, and carpet… but never blinds!

    good luck with the dog… only a few more days left!!

  7. Candi

    I’m sorry about the chewed blinds. But the other picture – that’s exactly how our blinds are. Cheeto (and the cat!) like to stick their heads out there and watch the world outside.

    My solution to this problem is to raise the blinds while we’re gone, so they stop mangling the damn things.

    And we’re seriously considering getting vertical blinds, as well, because I’m not sure they could bend those by sticking their whole heads in between them. LOL

  8. Ck

    I have a problem with a new dog of mine chewing blinds. Have you learned any way to prevent this? I am also looking for a way to fix the ones that are chewed. They arent that bad, but I figured someone would know a way to fix them. thnx

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